Indulgence

Sobriety is under-rated

Tanita Tikaram from You Light Up the World
Have you found yourself in the frame of mind?
Where no-one can be too kind
And there's so little lost
There must be a life to trust there
And if I try I know I'll be there
To hold, and be mine

Spent pretty much the better part of yesterday with my brother. I came to visit my Dad while he is in town but since his schedule is close to impossible with all the things he has to do, I spoke with him for the better part of 2 hours before he had to leave again.

It didn't matter to me that it was a Saturday or that my friends were planning to go out. It didn't matter to me that there were two parties raging forth in the metro. I've danced my fill for the past 3 weeks. I've done so much work these past 2 weeks and found the lazy relaxing pace to be one of pure bliss. There was no rush, no pressure, nothing. In my beige cut-offs and rather large blue shirt, I was comfortable. I could mess up my hair and still be un-self-conscious about it. My brother and I did our usual repartee and still followed it with a serious discussion over family and friendships and our plans for a vacation somewhere.

I really don't understand people's need to lose themselves. They chase after this temporary madness -- intoxication or getting high and then waking up feeling down or wondering what stupid thing they do. Back in the days, I would get drunk or high to enhance an already wonderful moment. I never used it as an escape. It was one of the three cardinal rules I set up for myself when I got into that sort of lifestyle. I won't deny that I miss getting high but I just realise that it isn't going to make things easier on me anymore and it really won't help the situation.

And I never really liked getting drunk. I will admit that the buzz is good. That little tingling sensation in your head and it gets so easy to smile. You are a little more confident and you have let go of just enough inhibitions to be charming and honest. I can't stand inebriation, utter drunkness where either you sit in one corner looking somber and ready to kill somebody or cry, or where you are laughing really loud, bumping into people and making a complete ass of yourself. I never really understood that.

It used to piss me off before when I would go out and people would insist I get drunk and I would say I'm having fun, no worries. I'm enjoying. And they would think I was lying because I'm not drunk. When the pounding head ache comes in and the vomitting starts, tell me, is that still enjoyable?

Maybe I'm just all grown-up now. Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of drunkeness. I did go out 4 times a week for 2 and a half years straight. I guess I just had my fill. And for all that time, I never got so piss assed drunk that I made a total fool of myself (except for one time in Quezon that involved too much lambanog and one time in Westin where I had 33 shots of Kamikazee in less than an hour and a half, but those are totally different stories). But if anything, I don't remember having done anything to hurt anybody or said anything I shouldn't have because I was drunk. And most of the time, that is the case and somehow, being drunk is such a convenient excuse. I'm so sorry, I was so drunk kasi eh...

Yeah, right. And just in case you didn't notice, my Yeah, right was dripping with sarcasm.

It isn't an escape. Because your problems are still there and the issues are waiting for you to deal with them. They aren't going anywhere because you spent the whole night drinking and dancing. Face them head on sober and get them solved and sure, there is probably going to be some pulling of hair, maybe some tears shed but once it is over, it's over. You move on.

Sometimes a laugh, brought out by just the situation and company can silence the world. There is no need for other things to come around and help it. It is the sincerity of such a laughter that moves me. The laughter not pushed out by any sort of substance except joy.

Yeah, sobriety is so under-rated...

posted by wanggo @ 11:15 AM