Indulgence

Christmast just around the corner

Augustine
It is yearning that makes the heart deep.

I can hear Christmas songs on the radio, in restaurants and in the mall. Can't believe that in less than 2 months, Christmas is going to be here already. A very good astrology site, one that makes sense and has predicted well enough the coming and goings of my days has said that mercury will be in retrograde again from the 14th of November until December 3 and that I shouldn't buy anything until then. No Christmas shopping for me until after December 3, I guess. That sucks. Not that I'm much of a gift giver; what with my financial state and all. I used to be, back when I was a kid. I was not a spender at all, given to holding my money for a rainy day and not one to buy toys or snacks or anything. I did; but never to an extent where I didn't have money. Come Christmas time, I always had a gift for everyone.

That was until I was 14. I then got a job writing for comics and became a really rich teen-ager. Then I started becoming a spender. My extravagant nature has come out and I've begun treating friends to whatever, you know? I had money to burn. I would treat my brothers to stuff. Since that time, I stopped learning to save, silly me! Everyday was a rainy day and money, for me, is meant to be used for my happiness now. Suffice to say, I had a hard time trying to save because, well, there's always a little something you just want to get and everything costs something these days. When the job disappeared and I continued working for an internet magazine through college; the money just wasn't enough for me. By Christmas time, there wasn't enough for me to get anyone a gift.

So my days as a gift-giver for Christmas has ended. I feel really horrible about that. I like giving things to people. But truth is, I like giving things to people when they don't expect it. I love the thrill in their eyes when they I hand them a paper bag or a box and say, Hey, this is for you. The shocked look on their faces and then the question, what for?

For being you. I just wanted to, you know?

It's so much sweeter; especially since it wasn't expected. Well, that's me anyway. But there's also that special feeling of exchanging gifts with someone on Christmas that I really, really miss. I'm hoping that I learn to save or manage my money just a little better so that I can once again be part of the festivities.

Christmas is around the corner. The days are getting colder. I'm just waiting for the Christmas cheer to sink in.

picture -- Sansan and me, Christmas party at the Clemente's in 2003, I think? Picture taken by Lelei.

posted by wanggo @ 2:59 PM