Indulgence

much ado about hair

Adam Zagajewski
Praise the mutilated world
And the gray feather a thrush lost,
And the gentle light that strays and vanishes
And returns

There's a lot going on at the top of my head. I'm growing my hair for the first time in my whole life. You see, as a kid, I went to a school that insisted that men have short hair -- crew cuts, even. So, to save on time and the bothersome trips to the barber, I kept my hair utterly short. I was in the same school from Grade 2 until I graduated High School in 1996. That's the reason why I don't know how to brush or comb my hair. It was never long enough to be brushed or combed. So I got used to it. An aunt of mine had remarked that I had a nicely-shaped head so that short hair (even shaved) looked good on me. My mom said it was because I was held a lot when I was a baby; formed the shape of my head quite nicely.

So this is what my hair looked like for the longest time. Variations of this style was kept for pretty much my whole life. It was neat, easy to fix and kept me quite happy. There was absolutely no maintenance necessary. I would wake up, take a shower and then dry my hair and it was ready. It was so simple. Sometimes, when I would have sleep overs with friends, I'd watch the girls step out of the bathroom after a shower or a bath with a towel wrapped around their heads like a turban and wonder how it felt like. My Dad has very unusually long hair. It's length exceeds a little beyond the half of his back. I'd see him step out of his room with a towel draped around his shoulders to catch the water dripping. He'd sit in front of the computer and my mom would proceed to dry his hair with the towel and then brush the whole length of his hair while he'd be playing computer. I never went through that and I was happy for it. My hair grooming ended when I finished toweling it dry. Of course, when I'd go head-banging to rock songs, there'd be no real effect except maybe for a little stiff-neck the day after but that was okay. I didn't really mind.

Ever since I was 16, my Dad has been asking me to grow my hair. He insists that I would look good with it. I said, No, you're not the one who has to take care of it. I would have to and I don't know how. He insisted I learn to and that I would look good and for 10 years, I've resisted. But curiousity hit me hard and I've been seriously thinking about it all of last year. Sometimes, work would get to me and I'd have to miss out my chances to go to the barber or the salon to have my hair cut and for the short length it would increase, I was a little intrigued by the effect. This year, around February, I decided to finally give in to the request of my father. More than to make him happy, I've had the same kind of hair style since I was 4 years old. I wanted a change. I wanted something different. So I decided to do something different. I decided to grow my hair. Thus in June, as seen in the picture taken in Palawan, I started experiencing what it was like to have bangs. It was totally different.

And this is just hair, mind you. But it's become this big thing. Growing it, I was particularly annoyed by the awkward stage one gets in when growing their hair. So I started wearing bonnets and caps and anyone who's been my friend for a long period of time will tell you that I'm so not a bonnet or cap person. They were a little weirded out by the "new look" and were telling me to have a haircut already. But I trudged on. My Dad's glee could be seen every week when we would meet during Sundays at the length my hair was taking. You're going to look so good, he would say, almost like a chant. Yeah, yeah, yeah I would respond in kind. Hell, as long as something was different with the way I looked, I'd be happy. Truth was, I'm doing this for him too and it makes me happy to see him happy.

So now I've got hair long enough that I have to brush after showers, or after it had dried. Now, it's too long to really wear a bonnet, but I still do sometimes and a cap becomes absolutely necessary when I just wake up and have to rush to work without time to fix myself up. I still get screamed at to just have it cut but lately, more and more people are beginning to agree with my Dad (to my Dad's happiness), though not by much. Most people would rather have me chop it off. Since I don't go out as often as before, when I do, people who I used to see often out would not recognise me and when they do, they'd get so shocked. You're hair is so long! they'd remark and begin to touch the tips as if to check it was real. Now, when I wake up or spend hours reading and I'd go to the bathroom to do my business, I would look at the huge coif on my head and begin to brush it down. Because of the quality of my hair, it would end up becoming bigger and more pronounced. I'd pony-tail it in 3 places when I'm at home just so that I wouldn't be bothered by hair tickling the back of my neck or coming in front of my eyes. I've got pimples on my forehead when pimples have not been a problem for me for the past 3 or 4 years now. But you know what? I like it. This is me with my friend Rica after Berna ironed our hair during downtime while shooting. You can actually do stuff with it! When I headbang to rock music, it actually moves! There is an actual effect and it's not just a stiff neck the day after. When I get pressured or tired, I run my hands through my hair and it calms me sometimes. It does wonders to my vanity. I love it.

All this about dead skin cells, I swear! It's the silliest thing to be fretting much over and so I'm kind of confused at why people make such a big deal about when they see me sporting it. It's fun. It won't change the world, that's for sure but hey! I like it and I'm having fun. Why keep me boxed up in the idea that I've had short hair all my life. Allow me some diversity and flexibility. One day next year, I'll probably lose my nerve and cut it off. But while that hasn't happened yet; I'm enjoying having something to take care of other than my uber-sensitive, over-dramatic sensitivities.

I can't wait for next year when it's long enough that I can sit down in front of a hair stylist and asked him or her to do magic with it like layers or something. It's much ado about hair but hell, it's fun!

posted by wanggo @ 4:54 PM