Indulgence

deep thoughts

Abra Moore from No Fear (written by Abra Moore and Jay Joyce)
And when it is cold out, feel no fear
Get something to hold on to now, feel no fear

It's been a long time since I last posted anything here. I came from Palawan and found myself a changed person somehow. Originally, I wanted to just write and write about my whole trip but after the exhausting return to Manila traffic, during a heavy rainstorm and a rally to oust the president, I decided not to stay in the office long and just go home to get some rest. I found myself without will to go to the office during the weekend because I just wanted to be home and think about all the things that happened to me in Palawan.

I didn't really get to stay home. I met up with some people and did some more work that wasn't my regular job -- side rackets for extra cash and so I got to do a lot of thinking about the whole spectrum of my life. So instead of just making one long post about Palawan, the magickal island will just keep popping up now and then in my blog entries... As they do in my thoughts these days.

If anything, one of the things we shot in the beautiful island is in Sabang where there is arguably one of the oldest Mangroves in the world. It is also very beautiful. These trees, some of them 100 years old, have their large roots sticking out of the water like legs of some frightening spider. The trees hung above our heads to almost 50 feet in height, maybe taller (am not very good with measuring with just my eyes) and it rained giving this eerie feeling. But as the rain died, and we were paddling through the river between, there was this silence that hung about us. The woods go on forever and you are sure that if there is such a place where fairies and dwarves and other mythical creatures reside, it would be in a place like this. I was half-expecting to see them dancing between the trees, darting to and fro from sight. There was this shimmering glow from the raindrops that got caught in the leaves and would drop at irregular intervals, catching the sun and making everything shine. Entering the mangrove forest during the rain was adventurous and bold and daring. But to be in the midst of it when the rain stopped and sun came out was truly inspiring. It was breath-taking and I didn't dare speak. I didn't dare say a word. It was just so breath-taking.


The boatman told me that the mangroves in Sabang had a name. Stupid me, I had forgotten it but it went something like the "Inspirational Mangrove..." or something like that because everyone who ever set foot in it had left with a longing to create something. They were inspired and this is how I feel right now.

I look at my life and all the things that I do. Things that have become inconsequential and routine and wonder why I do them. I've begun to question my true motives and I've been able to actually let go of the hurt and the pain of past failures. In a part I had to attend last Saturday (it was for work), I saw the Spaceman and I had no intention of doing something bitter or hurtful. In fact, I was happy to see the Spaceman. It was strange. I had let go of past hurt. And I know, for a fact, that the mangroves did this to me.

This is the lagoon right before the underwater cave. It was so peaceful. In fact, when we got there, we got to see a monitor lizard, about 4 feet long, swimming in it, breaking the stillness of the water yet it was so silent. The crew and I just fell silent as we've never seen anything like this before. It was truly beautiful. The cave before us was menacing and swallows kept flying in and out. We thought, at first they were bats, but the boatmen there told us that it was still afternoon, so they were swallows. The bats come out at night.

We went in the cave (but that's another story) but this lagoon had its own profound effect on me. It made me realise the beautiful places of the world and really instilled this wanderlust in me. By hook or by crook, I will get to see this world.

This world just got so much bigger to me than ever. I've been to many places before but nothing like this. Nothing this beautiful or impressive.

It makes one want to cry in joy. How can one be an atheist? It is sad to think that there is a scientific explanation to all the beauty in the world. Somehow, it takes away all the wonder and the magic of a place like this. That still, clear and silent lagoon. That sheer rock face and the gorgeous trees. Those growing trees in the mangrove, who've seen a hundred years and will see more. The swallows and the bats, the monitor lizards and the monkeys. The clear blue sea and the green waters that were so clear you could see the bottom. And there was I, in the center of it all, taking it all in, the beauty permeating through me and making me wonder about myself and everything else.

It still takes my breath away.

posted by wanggo @ 9:08 PM