Deliverance
A Camp from The Same Old Song (written by Nina Persson and Niclas Frisk)Don't be a stepping stone
get it all out, deliver it
I find myself returning to Manila with more work than I ever expected. I really have to learn to say "no" sometimes but here they all were, waiting for me, promises made when times were not as busy, when things were still easy to juggle. They all come at once. I've said before, I say it again, it's never just a steady downpour -- it's always drought then monsoon, famine and then feast. It never comes easy. So I will not complain. I'll whine in pain as the knots on my back begin to get tighter and my eye bags get bigger and my body clock goes all awry because I sleep at the oddest hours just to get to my deadline, but I will not complain about all this work that has come. In fact, some of them are all that I've been asking for for the longest time. Ingratitude only leads to loss. Nothing is given to those who do not know how to appreciate things. It is in our ability and capacity to value that we are showered with generosity.
So I've finally finished my first work of fiction in almost 3 years and it feels great. The story is still hazy, not clear cut and dried but I think that has something to do with depth and the fact that the story is still very close to me right now. The inspiration of the story just happened the other day and to write about it so soon might've been a little too dangerous but it needed to be written and someone was asking for a fiction piece from me. So I submitted it, hoping that it will be considered for publication.
One by one, my to-do list gets longer and longer and as the days pass, I start to cross out each item one by one. There is still a lot to do but it can be done. This is all part and parcel of the future that I want for myself. All of this will add up and very soon, I'll be in a place where I can pick and choose my projects based on my mood and my preference. It will have nothing to do with my being in need from that moment.
I will work hard now to deliver myself from a life of desperation in the future. This is not the time to play, I must remember that. Deliverance will come in the form of the recognition of all my hard work and when that happens, I'll be free. I will be able to do what I want.
And I recognize Palawan's unbelievable effect on me. Just because I'm in full work mode doesn't mean I'll stop traveling. The more I will so that I can continue to re-charge and get inspired and continue all this writing. It's like a wheel. I've come full circle. Once again, I'm a writer, in full force.
Someone read the script that I wrote lately and told me he cried after reading it. I've hit the bull's eye, it seems on this one. I just cross my fingers and hope to God that it will be produced and that it won't just be another one thing I did that never reached its completion. But I'm doing the rounds. I'm paying my dues. I'm getting there.
And I'll find myself there, where I want to be again. There's more to this now than what it originally was. I have been delivered from singularity. There is so much more and I take it in.
I take it all in.
posted by wanggo @ 1:44 AM
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