Indulgence

just an update 09.01.05

Dire Straits from Brothers in Arms (written by Mark Knopfler)
There's so many different worlds so many different suns
And we have just one world but we live in different ones

Watched Bourne Supremacy again with my brother last night. I forgot how good the film is. I love the camera-work. Hand held, it was constantly trying to catch up with all the intensity and action that is happening in the screen. It's amazing. It really brings you into the motion. I also love the fact that all the actors -- Matt Damon, Joan Allen, Brian Cox and Julia Stiles aren't posing. They just do what they have to do, say their lines and there's none of that silly posing they do a lot in action films. It's so cool without working so hard at being cool.

I love the simplicity of it. It's straight-forward, with every scene pushing the story onwards. I love it. It's really a good film.

Today, it's just another brainstorming and I feel squeezed to the point where I can't breathe. It's a little piss off but there's nothing I can do about it. My brother asked me about it last night and I told him that there's no other place I'd rather be. I just really love it here in NMI. He asked me the question that scares me: what if you got an offer with a bigger paycheck? Ooh, tough question. I really could use the money but usually, even bigger paychecks have an equally bigger price. I can just imagine -- horrible bosses, horrible work environments and even worse: working on something I don't believe in. At least here, I like the company, I love the culture and I like the show I'm working on. I believe in it.

People always say stuff like you never really know that you found something until you lose it. The perennial problems of the best friend syndrome when it comes to love: the perfect girl/guy is there, right there but you never realised it because you both consider each other as friends. But that's not the case for me, I know for a fact that this is where I want to be. I love it here.

And then, it's been a while for me but I just want to go on a date and have all those silly little feelings of enjoying someone's company for the possibility of romance. I don't even want the romance, just the possibility of it on its own is enticing enough already. It's like being hungry but you know the delivery is on its way and the food is going to be delicious. I'm so much wiser now about relationships that I doubt I'll be rushing headfirst into things. I've made 2 big mistakes and I won't let it happen again. I've been single for 7 years prior to my second relationship and now it's almost 10 months since then so I'm pretty sure that I am ready enough to dip my feet into the water again. Just get it wet; my whole body does not necessarily have to follow through. I'm not looking for the fireworks and the buffet. I just want a date. That's all.

Made a mistake a few days ago. I went through my most recent journal, the one that covers pretty much 2004. And then the other day, I read through my older blog and read everything that I went through last year. It was a roller-coaster of a ride, let me tell you. And it was a roller-coaster reading it again. That one was for the books, that's for sure.

Got a story brewing in my head. Am ready to go and write it now. All I ask for is the time for me to go for it. I just want to write it. I'm ready. I'm ready to go.

posted by wanggo @ 7:56 PM