Indulgence

Poker Face

Carl Jung
The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from the inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

I have regular poker nights now. A group of friends and I have a regular day and we play poker. Texas Hold `Em. I don't know if that's the real name; I always manage to get it wrong. I told my brother about it and I said we play Texas Hoe Down and he just started laughing and started making motions about square dancing. So goodness knows I might've gotten it wrong again.

We play for very little but because of the amount of time we take playing (and also consumption of alcohol), it can get pretty steep for a basic little game of 1 peso. But I like the company and the funny conversations that ensue. Like I felt, I've been needing connection lately. And this takes me away from the office, somehow. It's just a lot of fun.

I am not unfamiliar with gambling. I learned how to play mah jhong at a very early age and for the better part of 2002 and 2003, I would play with my cousin, brother and sister-in-law (but at that time, she was still my brother's girlfriend). On a weekly basis, we'd meet up, talk about our week while shuffling tiles and finding the best combination faster than the other 3 people we were playing against. After 3 hours of straight playing, hunger pangs erupt like a volcano and out I'd go to buy Pugon baked pandesal (oven baked bread?) and then we'd gather in the kitchen to talk. My brother would use a lot of cream cheese and maybe honey. My cousin would cover hers in butter and then put jam while my sister-in-law favoured jellies and jams. I'd eat it straight because the bread in itself would be so tasty on its own. Sometimes, I'd put a little butter and honey and another bread, I'd put cream cheese and jam. After we'd eaten our fill, we'd return to finish off the last hurdle of our mah jhong games before we'd bring my cousin home.

We don't do that anymore. My cousin returned to Bacolod and I wasn't as busy as I am now. After I told my brother about my poker nights, he wondered if we could play mah jhong again and I said sure. But that would all be dependent on my schedule, really and his and his friend's. My sister-in-law, brother and his friend (who would replace my cousin) are pretty much freelancers and so their time is very erratic. Mine is totally consumed by the show now.

My other group of friends, my poker group, have relatively the same schedule as mine so it's easy to slip it in. In fact, it really is no problem and the date has been set and we are pretty adamant about it; so that's cool.

I like it, really. Pretending to be bluffing or actual finding myself bluffing. I like the idea of having a good hand and the confidence to throw my whole being into one round and then the inevitable showing of hands -- sometimes you groan in pain that someone has a better hand or the joy of finding out you were right. I like it that it has some weight in terms of monetary value, even if it is so small. It's like training for life -- do you have enough on your hand to win? Or will you just fold? Can you take a chance or will you be swimming in the little pond for the rest of your life constantly watching the big fish swim in the ocean? It's silly, maybe and you might think there are better ways to train yourself to take chances, to learn to play your hand to the best of its ability, to know when to see an opening or no that there's no hope. But in this way, I get to have some fun.

Anyway, when it starts to become a problem, I'll let it go but right now, it's just a whole lot of fun and it's great to see, in some small measure, what I'm capable of and how well I can mask what it is that's behind my eyes.

posted by wanggo @ 5:01 PM