Indulgence

love-hate relationship with the city

John Cleese
It's not the despair I can't stand, it's the hope.

My body clock is all screwed up again. I can't seem to fix it. So much work has to be done that if I find myself stretching my waking hours in hopes to sleep at the proper time, I end up staying awake until the wee hours of the night and then falling asleep in the morning again, ruining everything. Lately, I find myself unable to sleep before the sun rises. Sometimes, I get lucky enough to sleep before midnight but I wake up at around 2 or 3 in the morning and unable to sleep again. That's worse. I'm beginning to get exhausted by all this.


Lately, I've found myself taking pictures of the city during sunset or sunrise. Well, it's more like taking pictures of the skyline. During these hours, the city starts to change. It's all a play of light and the colours are so amazing; the pinks, the magentas, the blues. During the sunrise, everything has a sleepy, dreamy look. During the sunsets, the city gains a a vibrancy as the lights begin to go on. It still amazes me and takes my breath away but I'm beginning to feel the cost. I'm beginning to feel what it means to be a city person. To live in it, you must devote your time to it; you must be a part of it, really, if you want to exist in it. It takes your time -- time you wish you could do for other things.

No wonder most writers I know have to leave to write their book. They have to go somewhere else, somewhere less distracting. A few of the great writers I know who teach to make a living wish they could do it somewhere more tranquil. I've always said that I was a city-boy through and through and that the stories I want to write are about the city and what goes on in it. But right now, as it is, I have no time to write. That has a lot to do, I think, with my longing to live by the beach, away from the city. I just want to write again.

posted by wanggo @ 5:55 PM