Indulgence

pressure cooker

Italian proverb
After the game, the king and the pawn go in the same box.

I've been in a quandary, as of late... Everybody has been pushing me to do something I'm very hesitant in doing. I already know that it is probably the smarter choice. It would be great for me to do so. Work less, get paid more and generally enjoy life a little bit more, maybe? I don't know...

The reason why I'm holding back is... well, it isn't fear. I've been through worse scrapes, I think. It's more like loyalty. Not loyalty to the company, mind you, though I do have a lot to be grateful for; it's loyalty to the team. The team, who in their present state really are being pummeled to death with work, can't really afford to lose another member. And we've been through this together. I've never been so happy in a working environment than here. Yeah, in The Cory Quirino Show, I met my best friend Jaypee and one of my closest friends in the world Berna but having to work with Cory herself and our producer was just God awful! And the show! Some of the things we were featuring... No, it was not all that fun. At least in TXTube, I get to do things that I like and I really do like the show. I practically helped carry the show to term, using the baby analogy. It's my baby, too. I can't just leave it. It would be too hard, I guess...

Haven't I always been thinking about myself? Does that line of thinking apply to this situation? Is this really not at all about attachments? Is this just about work and nothing more?

I feel so torn. And it is harder now, more than ever, because everyone is telling me to get out and jump ship. The pressure is on and I hate it when the pressure is on this way...

In better news, I got another modeling assignment after such a long while. A print ad, thank God! I like doing pictorials more than television commercials because I still am not comfortable with being treated like a star. I don't feel like I've earned all that pampering. I'm no star. And acting is just kinda weird when so many people are watching. The pressure is on. I hate having to flub my lines. I just ain't that used to it yet.

But pictorials are fun. You get pampered but not in a grand scale like in commercials and since there are less people, I'm not so conscious and when I'm not conscious I tend to play more and I feel more inclined to give my ideas. And I prefer the way I appear in pictures than in video. I don't know why. Something about capturing all my energy in a single frame, a single still shot. It's amazing, really...

I'll put it up here the moment it comes out.

posted by wanggo @ 1:13 AM