Indulgence

maybe a turning point?

Kelly Clarkson from Because of You (written by Kelly Clarkson, David Hodges & Ben Moody)
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

I've had a terribly hard day and despite how much easier it would be to finish all my work at the office and then run home to get some more sleep for an important thing tomorrow morning (later, actually) I decided to e-mail all the stuff to my brother's place and stop by and say hi which is my original plan.

Family is important and being the only immediate family member I've got left in Manila; it would be best to run to the comforts of home for some clarity. I spoke to him about my problems with work. And it seems that things have become clearer from talking to him. Yes, things have definitely become clearer to me.

Despite how wonderful the people are at work and how great the environment is; it's not doing me any good. I'm doing the work of segment producer and a head writer and only getting credited as a segment producer and getting the salary of a really, really cheap, third-rate segment producer. I should be getting more for the work I'm doing.

In a way, I began doing what my best friend Jaypee told me to do which is to work as hard as they pay me and since they only pay me so much, I only work so much. I spent the better part of last year realising my worth in terms of the relationships I've been getting into and forgetting that I should remember my worth all the time, in every situation.

People are asking for me, other companies, and I could be doing so much more but so much of my time is being taken from me. I could be doing so much more. Or at least, get to engage in some level of stress relief like the sports I want to get into. As of the past week, I didn't have the time to do any of it. I mean, honestly, who plays ultimate frisbee or flag football or keeps a wall-climbing place open after midnight? So, of course, I go out. And I don't want to do that anymore. It's too expensive. I don't get paid enough to go out.

I don't want to be all about the money but I am all alone now and trying to strike it out on my own. I got to live and I'm 26. I got to live the way I want to. I can afford it. I did when I was 25, why not now when I'm 26 and with more experience and training than before?

On another note, my brother and sister-in-law were finalising some steps and ground rules when I move back in with them. It will be soon. A month is not that far off, after all. I'll be taking my dad's room and I'm looking at all the closet space and getting excited in living in a furnished place again. Things not hidden away in boxes and actual shelves where I can put things in. The idea excites me.

I think being near my family and coming home to them will be good for me in the long run. Their tenderness and concern would be good for me. It will help keep me in check. I think considering the emotional rollercoaster I put myself through these past weeks, it is good to get solid ground under my feet again.

So things will be changing again. Isn't this a treat? Trials that never cease, a life being lived. Who could ask for anything more?

posted by wanggo @ 1:24 AM