Indulgence

cabin fever

Susanna Hoffs from Enormous Wings (written by Susanna Hoffs and Mark Linkous)
it was sad
the rain had knocked him down
people came to see from all around
he was lying there

Been at home for a while now. Getting cabin fever. Thursday found me at work, trying to get as much work in so that I can go home early before evening falls. It's always worse in the evening; it comes at dark -- the pain, the fever. I feel fine in the morning and the afternoon but the moment the darkness comes, it's there. But Thursday was something else. I was finishing a segment that was to be aired on Friday and one day is not enough time to do a good job but I left early on Wednesday because I couldn't do it anymore. I was in too much pain. By the time I had finished early Thursday afternoon, I was wracked with pain. My face was so hot with fever I felt like I could cook eggs on it. My lower back exploded into such pain that I couldn't stand straight, I walked around like a very old man who never took care of his body. People were calling me Lolo Wanggo (Grandfather Wanggo) in the office because it must've looked funny. Then, it became unbearable and I rushed home.

My brother and sister-in-law saw me and instantly brought me to the hospital despite my refusal. In the hospital, they discovered that I had almost 3 times more bacteria in my body than normal. That's not good. I've become a condominium to foreign bodies; low cost housing for tiny micro-organisms. I knew it, I'm too nice. Next time, I'm charging them more. Well, the doctors at St. Luke's gave me a new set of medicines to take; at least cheaper than the first set of anti-biotics and now I'm up to 4 pills after meals. I feel horrible. This shouldn't be happening yet! I should be much, much older than this to be taking that many pills after meals. The good thing about it is at least I am not a diabetic; they discovered that much and I can rest. And I don't have an STD, either (which was an actual worry) and dengue or malaria (which is what my brother feared).

So I have been resting at home. One good thing about this is that I'm asleep before 12 midnight and I'm awake by 7 in the morning. Sometimes I wake up at 5 am, coughing and wheezing but I usually can get back to sleep after 5 minutes but definitely, I'm wide awake by 7. This would be great if I could go to work and do some actual work but I can't, so instead, I read a book or just lie there with my thoughts. Suffice to say, I'm getting cabin fever. Sometimes, I sneak in to my brother's room, grab a DVD and watch a movie. I listen to songs I haven't heard in a long time from my CD collection (and pissed off because 1 CD is missing and I don't know what it is and who borrowed it, grrr). I've even unearthed my tape collection and going through some of the albums I've loved back in the early and mid-90's before I started collecting CDs. Some of these tapes I'm looking for a CD equivalent and I'm unable to find -- Susanna Hoffs, The Cardigan's First Band on the Moon, Fiona Apple's Tidal, Tanita Tikaram's The Capuccino Songs (a really gorgeous album) and Shawn Colvin's A Few Small Repairs. There's a lot more, actually but I didn't bother. It was too dusty.

I've been smoking less. When no one's looking, I'd taking in a cigarette. I'm down to one cigarette a day, sometimes 2. I might as well quit altogether, huh? The desire is there but I can't take it, my throat is too swollen. And my pack is now empty and there's no way anyone is going to buy me a pack here until I'm better so there goes all my smoking until I'm better. Might as well quit, right?

I wanted to write this entry using the underground cave in Palawan as a symbolic metaphor and use opposing imagery of the wonder of the cave and the absolute mundane existence of merely sitting around at home. Both are in a state of darkness -- one literal and the other figurative; yet both are fundamentally different in all ways. Except all my pictures are in my computer at the office. So scratch that idea! It would have been really clever. Darn!

I'm staying home, trying to get better, working on some stuff in my head and just hoping that the meds kick in and that I'd be back to my old self by Monday. I want to be full-tilt boogie back in business soon.

Now you'll have to excuse me. I'm coughing again and I guess it's best I just lie down and get some rest. I don't want a relapse now...

posted by wanggo @ 8:37 AM