Indulgence

doors

Robert Altman
To play it safe is not to play.

This weekend will mark my first vacation this year. Well, not really a vacation, but my first out of town trip for leisure's sake. My only out of town trips this year was Kinabuhayan in Quezon last May and Palawan last June but that was for work. So while I did enjoy myself a lot; there were moments that I had to focus and get the work done. This weekend, I'm off the Batangas with my cousins for some real R&R. I'll be zipping in the sand, swimming in the ocean and maybe even give snorkeling another try. I'll be drinking in the afternoon and listening to music and just enjoying an ocean breeze and some sun; well, as long as the weather cooperates.

In a matter of 2 cigarettes; I called up 5 friends and kept in touch and made plans to meet up again after such a long time. That was probably the most productive smoke break I ever had. It was nice to hear their high-pitched voices screaming What a surprise! How are you? It's so good to hear from you again. I was elated; filled with joy. It was good to hear from them again.

I had a very, very, VERY vivid dream of the Spaceman last night. I woke up almost gasping for breath. After lunch, I picked up my journal and read through the very time I started to fall for the Spaceman. Sometimes, you've let go and you think you're okay and then, all of a sudden, someone throws you a curveball and you weren't expecting it and it lands right in your stomach and takes the wind right out of you and you're lying in the ground wondering why you weren't ready for it. I thought it was over and done with it. Apparently, there is a sliver of the feeling still in my heart somewhere and it tore me open when I had that dream.

But that's how it is, I guess. No matter how many doors you close or open, you can't really ever lock them up. They will open again, whether by your doing or not. And you can never lock them. If you want that door to remain closed forever, you have to destroy it and by doing so, you know it will never come back ever again. So when you close a door, remember, sometimes they open on their own. So when you close them, make sure that you left nothing of yourself inside. That when you step through doors, you do so completely and wholly. Or else you'd never truly be happy with your comings and goings in this world. Commit fully or don't commit at all.

posted by wanggo @ 5:30 PM