Indulgence

counting the days

The Corrs from My Lagan Love (traditional; arranged by The Corrs)
She stirs the bog wood fire
And hums in soft sweet undertones
The song of heart's desire

My tonsils are on fire and they are huge but that doesn't stop me from singing as loud as I want to when I hear my favourite song. It has stopped me from smoking cigarettes, though and I swear to God; I can feel myself getting cranky by the minute.

Food has lost it's worth to me. Food is no longer enjoyable. One of the things that sustains me no longer amuses me. I have begun to die.

I must rush to the doctor soon and have this evil thing snipped away. It's got to go. It's got to go! Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead!

I wish but it's going to take some time and maybe some money. This is invasive surgery. I'd love it, being a masochist and all, except for the time that's going to be spent lying on bed recuperating. Gross out. Probably use that time to read. Read more books. 6 to go before the year ends. Gotta hurry, gotta rush!

It's the waiting I hate; this game of counting the days so I try not to count the days and discover that I'm fooling myself -- I'm learning new ways to count the days but not so obviously. It's no longer 1, 2 and 3. It's how long before Billboard will update their charts. I count with how long before my next zips class and how many I've already taken. It's all new and different ways of counting the days. It doesn't give me the exact date of what I'm waiting for but it helps me calculate what I need. When you are waiting for something; it's the only thing in your mind.

Well, that and inflamed tonsils and the inability to swallow or laugh and missing smoking and wishing you could take a puff right now and wondering how much more mucous your body can expel from the nose and how much more phlegm can you expectorate from your mouth. And despite that I've been expelling gallons of phlegm globbers and mucous rain since this morning; how come my sinus is still heavy with it?

The human body is filled with tons of things that cannot be explained -- like the spleen? Or the shape of the nose? Or why hair appears where they do in the human body? Or why couldn't we have trunks like elephants? Or be marsupials and have a large pouch somewhere in our bodies?

Well, those are questions that can't be answered. It's like waiting.

posted by wanggo @ 5:59 PM