Indulgence

not enought time

John Updike
The refusal to rest content, the willingness to risk excess on behalf of one's obsessions is what distinguishes artists from entertainers, and what makes some artists adventurers on behalf of us all.

I just don't seem to have enough time to do anything! I just quit my job and on my last day, they throw me a presentation and 5 concepts to work on. And of all the days, that was when we were working very, very slowly. I was losing my temper, getting all red in the face and totally incapable of anything slightly resembling humour.

And on the day that I've decided to quit and allow myself more free time for myself, I get a call from someone who is offering me a project. Great! I felt lucky to know that something will always come up for me. Felt is the appropriate word. The person on the other end of the line gave me a Monday deadline. I got the call on Thursday.

I still have articles due to submit and a script I have to finish. Why can't they tell me earlier? Why can't I have a week grace period to work on anything? Why does everyone want me to think up of something and write it in a matter of 2 or 3 days? I know, that in the past, I have been able to deliver and it's great to know that people believe in me but right now, I just want to have a chance to do some stuff for myself.

Stop it! Stop it, Wanggo! Don't complain. You're always complaining but you never say "no." And it's going to put food on your table and pay for the ceiling that keeps you dry from the rain. I just find it unfair that people who need things, willing to pay for them, have no concept of time or how hard it is to rack my brain for something that they want. It's tiring too and if I don't have a chance to have a life, there is no way I can come up with something new and original and exciting. I need to have time for myself -- to read a book, to watch a movie, to walk in the streets and see what people are wearing, where people are going, what people are saying and how they move and react to the world.

People don't understand that creative people -- artists, artists, painters, writers, actors, production designers, architects -- all kinds of people who have to make something beautiful and functional at the same time (yes, art does serve a function and... oh! that's a whole `nother blog!) have to have lives. Creative people have to be able to live to be able to do their jobs well. You chain them to their office and their ability to create dies right there, frozen by the cold steel of the chain.

Datu wants to play an RPG game and I've got so many people who want to meet up with me, and my Dad and Mom need me to send something -- and truth be told, I want to do all these things for people. I want to play RPG with Datu because I know what it means to him; though I don't enjoy it anymore. I want to meet up with all my friends but there are only 7 days in the week and I only have so much money. I want to do the stuff for my Mom and Dad, hell, I owe them so much, but I don't have the time to do it with work and all (they asked me to do this stuff when I was in the middle of working in the slave-driving office).

Sometimes, when all these things come together, it starts to feel like demands. When you don't have the time to do the stuff you want, all these other things, though not demands start feeling like it. But that's the life I have right now so I'm going to live it and make the most out of every situation.

Oh yeah... and something else is happening to me. Something weird and strange and totally unexpected. It is all a bunch of coincidences and experiences that, when put together, all of a sudden makes sense, somehow.

Talk about it soon...

posted by wanggo @ 4:42 PM