Indulgence

my body gave out

Alfredo Navarro Salanga
No tree lives without dying. No tree dies without touching the sky.

My body gave up on me. I finished the concept at 6am this morning and since I had to be in the office by 8am, I decided not to sleep anymore and just get ready for work. All I did was sit down on my bed to gather my coins, my house key and wallet and the next thing I knew I was awakened by my phone ringing. My superior was asking if I had fallen asleep since we were texting that morning when I had told her I sent the e-mail already. So I told her I was going to rush to the office. I stood up to urinate and the next thing I knew I was waking up on my bed and it was way past lunch time with 2 or 3 missed calls and a couple of texts. I was flustered! How did I get to my bed when my last conscious moment was peeing in the bathroom? My head was pounding, demanding more sleep and I was trying to get up but it began to rain and my body was telling me it needed more sleep. It took me forever to try and get out of bed. You know that feeling, lying in bed, willing your body to stand up but it totally won't do it. It won't get up? That's what it was like. Physically trying to get out of bed. It was horrible. I felt like an invalid.

I ended up sleeping a bit again.

Now I'm just resting my body. One whole day of just rest and not thinking about anything. I'll try to read another chapter of my book and maybe I do some creative writing. Gotta get my mind out of work for a day and then go back refreshed and ready for another week of tackling the mundane. While it's fun and challenging, I realised my work is really consumerism at work. It is using abstract and creative ideas to end up selling more. It's an amazing concept, really but it's funny considering I'm such an anti-capitalist. Deep down inside, I'm a bohemian, a free spirit.

Been asking people for stories, advice, anything to process what's going on inside right now. I'm fighting all my urges and quick judgements -- initial disappointments, attraction to the glitter and gold, expectations, unrealistic fantasies and assumptions -- to just be able to make a better decision. I don't want to make another mistake. I'm clearing my head. There's still so much work in my head right now. I gotta clear my head.

posted by wanggo @ 5:49 PM