Indulgence

taking it back

Margaret Atwood
The Eskimos have fifty-two names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love.

A great big burden has been lifted from my shoulders. The weight is off my back. I can breathe easy again. It's done and over.

Yes, today I told my direct superior and friend, Leigh, that as much as I love the Strategic Development Team and that I found the work fun and challenging, it was just too much. I understand that it is big business but I would wake up and immediately go to work and then stay at work the whole day and then come home and it was go to sleep and back to the same old drawing board -- or sometimes, stay at Jay's house so that I won't be so late anymore. Or worse, get home and work at home so that I can submit stuff before the morning comes and we can submit the stuff before hand. It's just crazy!

It's big business. I'm sure there are people who love that sort of challenge, but I'm not up to it. I'm not afraid of hard work but I believe that if I'm going to work that hard on something, it has to be something I believe in rather than getting people to buy more of a particular product. I cannot abide by capitalism. I don't live by that code. Sure, it's great to be rich and have lots of money but that is not my be all and end all. I want to make a difference. I want to be able to enrich people's lives. I cannot work in the office whose sole purpose is to help big companies just make more money. If I were to work that hard, like I did for TXTube, it better be something that will actually entertain or make people's lives better. TXTube was entertaining for a lot and we were able to show people interesting things to try out.

I didn't have a life anymore. Day in, day out, I was just a machine. I was just working and working. I haven't seen Mission Impossible 3 yet or I haven't seen an episode of any new television show. I'm still in the same chapter in my book, haven't read anything new and am far from finishing it. I've only seen Jay and those who visit him because he lives 2 blocks from my office. I need to have my life back. I want it back, so that's what I did. I took it back.

So I quit. Finishing the week and then I'm back to freelance land and I'm going to look at all my options again and hope that things will be better this time round. I'm hoping that the other job offer is still open. That's something I can really sink my teeth into.

Many thanks to the Captain, Cat, for helping me out and chatting with me this whole week and helping me clear out my head. I've missed out on some good zip gigs but I think I'm back on track. I won't be so hard on myself like I was on this moment. We are allowed to make mistakes. Just learn from them and it will be okay.

(Cat and I at Caliraya at the end of March, 2006)

posted by wanggo @ 4:40 AM