Indulgence

masochism at the workplace

Fernando Afable
You can't get lost if you're sure you don't know where you're going.

Today was spent working on a concept for 1 event. We were to think of 2 possible activations that we can do in a school. Toughest thing I've ever had to think up of. It was more demanding than any of my Literary Research professor Doctor Bernie Oloroso's demands; and anyone who has gone under Ma'am Bernie would know what I mean. In fact, we haven't finished yet. Instead, we decided to take home the work and finish all our seperate parts and submit it all in the morning to have someone merge all the ideas together. I'm mentally spent, completely drained. I also know that the moment I step into the office tomorrow, they're throwing another school event at me, but they promised it would be easier. I like the work but it's just so demanding. Everyday, I'm like a sponge squeezed dry. I start the day excited and happy. As the day draws on, I try to keep a happy demeanor and throw out concepts like a madman. I make jokes and I make fun of myself to keep the atmosphere light. I end up smoking more and I've caught myself drinking soda and eating chips when I can. I look out the window and think what it would be like walking the streets of Makati at that moment. By the end of the day, the smile is gone, the jokes are a beat behind and my shoulders have slumped. I get home to wish for my bed, only to realise that I'm not yet done, I've got one more concept to do.

On a side note: don't get me wrong about Doctor Oloroso, she is a super fantastic teacher. Every meeting, we had to submit a new portion of our mock thesis and it was very demanding work. Deep inside, we were cursing her (or at least I was) and I just wanted to get the class over with. Everyday it was a new requirement, a new set of research materials to be passed. Nearing the end of the term, she told us that the following week we had to submit our mock thesis. We went nuts! We stood up and objected, we told her it would take us more than a week to finish all our chapters. She gave us a quizzical look and laughed at our faces. For everything that you passed and I returned, you take a look at my comments and do the necessary revisions. Then you compile it all in order and that's your thesis, was what she told us. Every week we were actually doing the mock thesis and we didn't notice (or at least I didn't). So by the time the deadline came, we were all passing it with smiling faces. It isn't one of those terms papers where you are told weeks in advance and then you only start doing it a week before the deadline. We went through each process one by one and made no shortcuts. It was amazing. I heard Doctor Oloroso is a fascinating teacher and I wish I got a class that dealt with literature more than the research of it. I wanted to have taken a class with her that was theoretical and more focused on the discussion of literary work rather than something that was strategic and process oriented. She left La Salle after that term. We all have very fond memories of her and we tried to visit her in the Filipinas Heritage Library when we could.

Today I got another job offer, one that is more to my liking. It came in a week late, though and I'm cursing the stars for such rotten luck and timing. I'd actually have been able to sleep more had I just waited another week, damn it! This was the kind of job, or the line of work, that I wanted to get back into. But now, I can't accept it in its entirety. I'm conflicted. I always have rotten timing.

Mistake after mistake. When will I learn my lesson? I'm such a masochist!

posted by wanggo @ 4:09 AM