Indulgence

Jewel is singing what's in my heart...

as texted to me by my Dad
When people walk away from you let them go. Your destiny is not tied to anybody who leaves you. It doesn't mean they're bad people, just that their part in the story is over.

My previous post has been on my mind. Can't get it out of my system just yet. It will be the subject of my whining for a few days more. Lately, I've been listening to Fiona Apple to help me get that angry, vengeful person to speak up and get mad. I wanted to give this anger a voice and maybe slap some people back to Earth because they're flying too high without a care for other people, namely, me.

But lately, there are some songs on Good Bye Alice in Wonderland that have been striking a cord. Here they are, saying things that are rumbling in my heart.

Again and Again (words by Jewel Kilcher and music by Jewel Kilcher and John Shanks)
Listen dear, I need you to hear I cannot disappear. I've tried again and again and again and again. I know we said that we'd give up, said we'd had enough again and again and again and again but you, you're always on my mind. It's like this all the time, say it's cause you're mine all mine. And if you will, I will, try to let it go. And if you try, I'll try. Try to let it show us the way. Cause love is here to stay. Just look me in the eye this is do or die. I will not say enough till you say enough. There is no giving in, there is no givin' up on love. Walk down the street stare at a lot of things that pass in steady streams, again and again and again and again. Do what I should try to stay busy your face is all I see, again and again and again and again but you, you're always on my mind, it's like this all the time, say it's cause you're mine, all mine. Like a movie I once saw, in the darkness I recall feeling the beauty and the pain like when you call my name, say you feel the same.

Good Day (words by Jewel Kilcher and music by Jewel Kilcher, Greg Wells and Kara DioGuardi)
I say to myself, self, why are you awake again? I'ts one a.m. standin' with the fridge wide open, starin'. Such a sight, florescent light -- the stars are bright -- might make a wish if I believed in that shit but as it is I might watch t.v. cause it's nice to see people can be more messed up than me. I say to myself as I smile at the walls let myself fall. It's gonna be alright. No matter what they say, it's gonna be a good day. Just wait and see. It's gonna be alright cause I'm alright with me. It's gonna be, it's gonna be -- it's gotta be. I shiver shut the door, can't think standin' here no more. I'm alone my mind's racing heart breaking. Can you be everything I need you to be? Can you protect me like a daughter? Can you love me like a father? Can you drink me like water, say I'm like the desert just way hotter? The point of it all is that if I should fall it's still your name I call. It's gonna be alright no matter what they say. It's gonna be a good day just wait and see. It's gonna be okay cause I'm okay with me. It's gonna be, it's gonna be, as long as we laugh out loud -- laugh like we are mad cause this crazy mixed up beauty is all that we have. Because what's love, but an itch we can't scratch, a joke we can't catch, god, but still we laugh. Get back in bed, turn off the t.v. You say it'll be alright, baby just wait and see. Uh-oh, I'm awake again, it's one a.m. staring such a sight, well at least the stars are bright.

Where you Are (words and music by Jewel Kilcher)
I called you late last night said you didn't feel like talkin', had to blow off a little bit of steam, said you were tired of feelin' so uptight. You make me so blue, I get so lost inside of you that I cannot always find my way to where you are. Oh it used to be so easy, used to be so much fun. You said, yeah, well that was back when you believed in my love but things are not so simple now. I've turned out the light somehow and in the darkness you cannot always find your way to where I am. Please don't take your eyes from me cause if you did I would no longer be able to see. Please can't you see I need you. I am a princess and I'm locked inside this stone tower of song. I'm trying to write messages on the wind, god, how I just want to belong. Choose me, choose me, pick me, take me. Oh, I need to believe no one else exists for you now, on one else exists for me. You are my home, I've finally found my way to where you are.

There's still a bit that I really feel a connection to, and I could go and put the Fiona Apple songs that really strike a cord in me, as well, but maybe Darwin is right. Get rid of the elephant in the room. I got to do something to move on from this. Wallowing is a specialty of mine, but just because it worked in the past doesn't mean it's the best way to deal with this situation. There's probably other, healthier alternatives. There is always another alternative.

posted by wanggo @ 3:50 PM