The Big Man Upstairs
As texted to me by my DadTime to check: Is there anything you have forgotten in your life? What's missing? Do you miss it at all?
I finally got to do it. Kudos to my brother for making it happen, but finally, I've been able to go to church today. Ever since I got back from Australia, I started getting this burning desire to give thanks for everything that I've gotten so far and to have made it this far, in the first place. I wanted to go to mass to show my gratitude.
Many people who know me well, knows that I am not a religious person. Some people even think I'm an atheist. Not true. I am a theist; I do believe in a God, but I'm not a Catholic, I don't believe in that particular God. I think the term for myself is Agnostic. I do believe in a higher power yet I'm still not sure who or what he is. There is no definition because a being capable of creating a universe from scratch, a being whose imagination is so immense and infinite that he/she could create 8 billion different individuals just amazes me. How can I understand what he is?
So my relationship with my creator is diffferent than most and I don't usually talk about it. I like to project this heathen, devil-may-care, "I'm evil" sort of attitude but in truth, I'm very awed and inspired by The Big Man Upstairs. It's a very personal relationship. There are moments when I just give in and say, Damn it, God, that's a gorgeous sunset.
After everything I've been through this year, all the ups and downs and all the craziness, I'm just glad to still be alive. Things could be better but I'm stronger now and I'm wiser now. I get to have a chance to make things right, you know? Not many people have that chance and I want to say thank you.
And for something like this, it isn't just some closing of the eyes and saying it to Him, like I usually do, no, this is different. My thank you needs to come off as sincere as it really is and if that means I have to wake up early and go to mass and do the rituals, I'll do it. Just so I'm sure that this time, when I thank Him, He'll hear it loud and clear.
posted by wanggo @ 10:57 AM
3 Comments:
most unlikely of you wanggo...most unlikely. But i always knew you believed in him, in your own quiet way :)
Keep the faith, Wanggo. Keep the faith. = )
Very inspiring writing. Especially since it was you who wrote about it. The mere thought of you professing such a discreet facet of yourself to the public, and the power of your words speak very well for the gratitude that you felt. Bravo!
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