Indulgence

everything is not okay...

Salvador Dali
Have no fear of perfection... you'll never reach it.

After a pretty good volleyball practice, I found myself meeting up with some friends. What I thought would be a chill night ended up wild and crazy when the drinks began to flow and a friend arrived, already drunk and supposed to be depressed for a relationship he was in ended. That friend was going to meet us in our friend's house to talk about how he felt, which was, I guessed, pretty bad since a relationship just ended. And then, when he arrived, he was with his lover and they were drunk and apparently, back together. Good for them. More drinks passed around and I was officially tipsy.

Hilarity ensued. It's fun to be with friends just goofing off at the privacy of someone's home and not really have to care what people are thinking or doing.

And then, my friend's lover fell asleep and couldn't be wakened, so my friend and I carried him to the bed and as I turned around, I saw my friend's ex-boyfriend, right there, behind us and my other friends at the door, mouth wide open. We were probably each other's reflection.

I swear my heart stopped for 3 seconds.

An argument sprung up and ended quickly with my friend entering the room, closing the door and going to sleep beside his new man.

Then the tears began to flow and even if I wasn't close to the ex, I was the only one sober enough to talk to him. One by one, everyone started to fall asleep and I was left alone talking to the ex. Despite that my friend is my friend and I love him dearly, I know that he is a bastard and what he did to his ex was wrong. I told his ex that. He has to move on and no matter how much you love a person, if that person doesn't want to change, you can't make them. Know your worth. It's something that is very important to me now. And no matter how much you love a person, don't let them treat you badly and don't let them walk all over you. It's not worth it.

He thanked me, wiped his tears and I gave him a hug. I told him to go home and try to find himself again. Find the strength to let go and move on. He kept stringing you along and it's not fair and it's not right and he may be my friend, but he deserves to lose you.

It is black and white and I make it gray. He's my friend but, yes, he is a jerk to his guys. That gray spot, I made it myself. I won't deny it.

After he leaves, I watch the room that was filled with so much laughter and gaiety and I start washing dishes and glasses and do some surface cleaning up. I thought it was needed, more in a figurative, metaphoric way more than anything. It got messy and it needed some fixing up. I had to inject a certain sense of poetry there somewhere.

I then had trouble falling asleep and things just went haywire. My body was rejecting me and I started to feel a little dizzy and knew, there was no way I could get to work. I went into a deep sleep at around 10:00 am when I was trying to get ready to go to work since I had a meeting at 11. My body clock is so fucked up. I woke up at 8pm. It's all my overnight work and then volleyball practice and whatnots.

It's got to end, really. I got to fix this busted up body clock and rest my body at times. Because there is no way this is going to work out for me.

No, while things are getting better, there will always be speed bumps in the way. Everything is not okay but it's just a delay to the inevitable. Patience is the key.

posted by wanggo @ 11:04 PM