Indulgence

slipping into new skin

Lamb from 'Til the Clouds Clear (written by Lou Rhodes and Andy Barlow)
And a storm brews inside and there's nowhere to hide
It's gonna blow your cover sky high
If you let this thing go, it's gonna burn, it's gonna burn
You're gonna take the whole world with you when you go

I've been doing my whining thing again. Looks like everything is back to normal with me. I'm back to the way I was approximately a year ago. A little joyous, whiny (hopefully to a funny degree) and not so moody.

It's been a rough 3 weeks. But it's over now. It's time to start anew.

I'm out of the forest and I'm no longer Lost in Transition and I am adjusting to the view from my new set of eyes; adjusting to the reality that I now perceive with my new state of mind. It's kind of exciting and thrilling.

I'm reminded of a song from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim. It's the song of Little Red Ridinghood after she comes out of the wolf's mouth. She sings: I know things now many valuable things that I hadn't known before, they were off my path so I never had cared, I had been so careful I never did dare, and it made me feel excited, well, excited and scared.

Or something like that. And we have to cherish these moments of illumination because there is that unseen trap of falling back to old ways after 2 months or so. I remember my Mom enrolling me in all these classes offered by her Hermitage. I took classes on Loving Relationships, Clairvoyance and Reiki healing. And sure, they affected me and I always ended up crying and learning so much about myself. I would make these declarations that I've changed and for the next two months, the changes were apparent.

And then, I'd slowly start to return to my old ways. It was so simple and easy and I was totally oblivious. As much as I'd been affected by those classes; you'd always revert back to what comes naturally. After all, you were told about the fire and how much it burns. It is a whole different thing to actually feel the heat and burn.

I've changed a lot in a year and I'm still changing and learning things everyday. So I might not become as famous as I want to be. I might not become as important as I want to be. But right now, I think there is nothing wrong with my life. I have friends and family who loves me and I love as much, I've got work and I'm part of society, I am a contributing factor in this society and I'm growing as a person -- gaining new experiences and using them to my betterment.

Right now, it's enough. It's enough.

posted by wanggo @ 6:10 PM