Indulgence

Random Musing 04.05.05

Grant Morrison from Arkham Asylum
Later, I find myself sobbing, choking, retching into the lavatory bowl. Is this what it all comes down to -- all our dreams and hopes and aspirations? Nothing but vomit? Oh God, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. I think I may be ill.

I woke up after a ten hour sleep. My body feels broken. I walk with a limp and I banged up my knee yesterday and it's hard to bend it. Right now, my head is in a daze and I am walking around like a zombie. There's a pain at the base of my back, right at the spine and it's really painful. I have a difficulty stretching or bending.

I was given this gift certificate for a spa/massage treatment to this place and I was saving it for the appropriate time. I think I'm passing up volleyball training tomorrow so that I can just relax my body. Maybe I've been pushing myself too much. I can't help it. I enjoy the game so much. I guess I just have to do more stretching before. Maybe the stretching I do isn't enough.

Slowly, things have started to look up. Is retrograde on its way out? Is Mercury going back to its original position in the stars? Because right now, I'd like to have a break from all this struggle and effort.

I've pretty much given up being random. Or, to be more exact, I'm going to be random but I'm not going to make such a big effort on it. Forget making all the tenets and rules on being random. Forget making it my mantra and just do what comes naturally. Just live in the moment, which is practically what being random is. I was going through all that pain and shit and I needed something to focus on, some new mindset to help me out of it. But after the insight I gained two days ago, I pretty much found some level of peace and I don't need to work so hard on forgetting. I can be myself. Much of the pain has abated. I feel like I'm back to normal levels.

One day at a time. That's all it really takes. To not jump too far ahead and not to walk so slowly. And you'll get there. You'll get somewhere.

posted by wanggo @ 7:45 PM