Indulgence

just a cloud (to someone in particular)

Natalie Imbruglia from Shiver (written by Imbruglia, White & Solomon)
Cause when you tell me stupid things like you do
Yes I have to change the rules
I can't lose

What's the point of telling me you love me? Because I don't love you. You know that. You were told. You were pre-informed. What's the point of me telling you that all I want is fun? All I want is fun. This means nothing more than what it is. It's just skin and touching. It's tasting and looking. It's only the grimace, the hard breathing and the moan.

In the darkness, I can see you piercing me with your gaze. You try to make out the shape of my face by tearing away the darkness and I try my best to fold myself in it. No, I won't let you turn this into some tender moment. I will not be the guilty one. I didn't lie and didn't lead you on. You cannot love me since you do not know me. But I want to know you, you say but I respond I don't have the time for this.

You grab me in a hungry embrace and try to smother me with your kisses. This will not melt me. This will not move me. This will not break me down. You try to act tough and take control. That path to my heart does not begin from my body. It begins in my mind. You cannot stir my mind with a ladle or a wooden spoon. You got to grab the whole pot with both hands and shake the very foundations to stir me. You cannot do this.

I did not lie. I don't want to lie so don't ask me questions; especially if you aren't ready to hear the answers. Don't ask questions if the answer you don't want to hear has a possibility of being uttered. You are not infallible and I am not easy to cage. No, I am not easy to tie up and bind. You cannot win me by your sentiments, your affection or your tenderness. That's not the path to my heart. No, you are not ready for this. You are not ready for me.

I will let you go. Slowly sink further into the darkness where you will not find me. It's not evil. It's for your own good. Because now that I know how you feel, I know that to continue to see you will only frustrate you, hurt you and that's not my intention. When the fun ends, then there is no more point. That was the basis of our connection. And do not fool yourself. I never pretended it was anything else. You made out the cloud to be a rabbit when it was just a cloud.

I hate it when this happens. I'm always the bad guy because I'm the one with nothing to lose. That isn't fair, either, since I do my best to put myself into situations where I do not have anything to lose. I express my intentions honestly and expect people to take whatever I offer with full knowledge of exactly what it is I'm offering. They benefit from this as well.

It's just so sad and useless and immature. I must choose them more carefully next time.

posted by wanggo @ 1:15 PM