Indulgence

half-way point

Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Life teaches you that the joy of love is not meant to lull you to sleep but to keep you struggling together.

I can't stand it that I'm supposed to do all the effort to make some relationships work out, you know? Why is the responsibility solely mine? It really pisses me off. There are many moments when people have told me that they are pissed at me because so much time has passed and I didn't even text or call. I would raise my eyebrow at this and look around for the hidden camera because that's so unfair. During that much time that has passed, did they ever text or call? And they are mad as all hell or being so snide or haughty about it and I'm just like fuck you! If it's about keeping in touch, let's both be texting or calling. If that person texts and texts and calls and calls and I don't do the same, then fine, point your finger and play your little games. But if you didn't even do your end, what's the point?

I'm kind of estranged from some people because I have a tendency of continuously moving forward and leaving people who tend to stagger and linger on behind. Some of them have the horrible tendency of getting mad at me for not keeping in touch, when, considering the fact that neither have they. I do not hear a peep, not a word from them and they have the audacity to get mad at me?

Fucking double standards...

My other problem is with certain people that you are trying to establish a relationship with and they tell you that they are oh so interested in getting to know you, in spending time with you but do not contact you at all and all reply to your messages but never initiate their own. After a while, I'm beginning to think that the interest is not at all mutual. Maybe I'm holding on to the words but not the reality; the reality is these people, I am guessing, don't really feel the same way. If they were as interested and really wanted to get to know me as they said they were, they'd be contacting me as well and not just replying to my texts, right?

I end up feeling so rejected after weeks of trying to build some sort of level of comfortability but it all goes to nothing. It doesn't seem natural to me if all of it is coming from me. There are just some people that you instantly hit it off with and both of you end up trying to connect with each other as often as possible.

And then there are those you never hear from unless you contact them first...

I hate these things. All the wasted time, the hoping and wishing, the expectations and whatever else that comes with these problems.

posted by wanggo @ 11:16 AM