Indulgence

2 hours till take off

from a text from my Dad
Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks everybody.

I've got 30 minutes to kill before I have to start preparing. I'm going to be flying off to Bacolod in about 2 hours and all I can think of is letting out a really long, hard breath. Life has been horribly tough on me the past few days and I haven't really been the most hit the ground running kind of guy. I've been very distracted. I've not really been myself, as of late. It's gonna have to change soon, otherwise, I'm going to snap.

It took a while before my brother realised I wanted to use the computer. So I was sitting around just listening to some good music and waiting. There were 2 people I really wanted to see before I left but both were not available, to my utter dismay and I felt every second tick.

I don't really like flying. I can't stand the air pressure's effect on the ears. Otherwise, it would be great but, lately, I've no patience for it. So I stay awake before a flight and then, the moment I sit down, I try to fall asleep before take off, that way, I'll just wake up and I'm down and I didn't have to go through that discomfort. I remember my flight to Italy, though, back in 1998 where it was impossible to sleep due to the excitement of being in a foreign country. It was a very long flight, though, eventually I did fall asleep but I stayed up as long as I could. Like Poe sang in her song That Day, "The anticipation was a turn on."

Now I'm taking a break from my life to just be with family. Already, my whole stay has been planned and I don't mind. I want all responsibility and decisions taken away from me. I just want to follow the leader. I just want to be pulled, tugged and shoved. I just want someone to take charge of me for a while. So as much as wanting to sit back and relax; if they say jump, I'll reply with where?

I've got a very strong personality but the truth is, I'm not a leader. I'm not a take charge kind of person. I just want to do what I want (which is to write, make films, create and travel) and everything else, depends on what people want from me (depending on the people, though). It would be great for someone to just lead, you know? Right now, that would be bliss. I know I wouldn't like it for long. My need for independence and my hold on my individuality would resist; but at the moment, it's what I need. It would be nice for someone to take the weight off my shoulders. It would be nice.

posted by wanggo @ 3:07 AM