Indulgence

in the presence of children

Anonymous
We do not inherit the land, we borrow it from our children.

It is quite common knowledge I've never been fond of children. I'm KSP, kulang sa pansin, thus not in very good terms with anyone who needs more attention than me. And I'm 26 years old, I will always lose the attention to a child. And I refuse to compete with a child -- the idea alone is degrading. Kids need attention; they need a lot of love and care because what it is they experience growing up is what they will carry with them when they grow older. I believe in the responsibility of a parent. I believe in the responsibility that grown-ups have in being a good role model to children. It's a serious matter I do not take lightly which is why I try my best not to be near children or in constant contact with them. I do not trust myself with them. When comfortable, I tend to be audacious, loud or noisy, humorous and maybe sarcastic and a little snide. In the eyes of a child, without the proper information regarding these little tactics, they might think that being rebellious, talking back and being a smart-ass is perfectly okay. I do so with as much humour as I can muster. I must admit, it requires a sense of maturity to understand sarcasm and witticism. I don't want to have to try and explain it to a child, much less have them use me as an example. Sarcasm is dangerous when the form is copied but not the substance.

Children are not idiots and they see a lot more than you think they do. They remember far more than you realise and memory is never trustworthy. We have to be careful with children.

Today, during zips class, Cat and Paolo brought Paolo's niece as she was learning how to zip. Surrounded by other students, she playfully swung her poi's around and began learning the little techniques she was being taught by Paolo and Cat. There was a big smile on her face as she learned a new move. One time I caught her watching us, all the grown-ups practising and committing to memory, the reflexes that it takes to add a manuevre into our repertoire of moves. In her eyes, as saw she saw everything. She smiled to herself and returned to her own practice.

We practise zipping in the park of Valle Verde 1, where, in the afternoon, kids with their nannies and/or parents (and/or siblings) watch them as they bike, play on the swing and chase each other. I watch the kids watch the colourful ribbons of our pois circle the air and watch their mouths left agape in wonder.

Everyday, my 1-year old niece Eve learns more and more as she discovers her world. Slowly her vocabulary is increasing, she is walking faster and more sure-footed. She smiles at everything and anything within reach is subject to her curious investigation. Everything that is heard is repeated by her and everything is under her watchful scrutiny.

In moments like this, I watch myself to ensure that whatever I do is something ideal, exemplary and proper. I smile, I wave, I hug and I kiss to show her that world is full of love. I'll let reality sink in when it will and when she is ready for it. At her current state and age, I want her to know what it is like to be loved and to be held with much regard and affection.

But I cannot be in such confinement for too long. I'm a generally moody person with a filthy mouth and a sometimes extroverted nature. I criticizes openly and I rarely hide what is inside. For that I try my best to stay clear of children. It's my responsibility, I feel, to always try to be at my most proper behaviour in their presence. There is always something about their innocence that brings me to my knees in penitence.

posted by wanggo @ 11:39 PM