Indulgence

moving on, off to the next moment

Alana Davis from Rest of Yesterday
And I wonder now can I survive between wired awake and half alive
When I can't succeed I can only try to validate each day
And I'm losing though I'm using my best
And I'm choosing to destroy all the rest of yesterday

On a car, sometimes we slow down because there is an accident. We look and really observe the sight. We can't help it but our eyes naturally gravitate to the area of disaster. Some people say it's because we are trying to force ourselves to realise that it is not us who is in the accident. Some people say that it's because we want to make sure it is no one we know. Some people say it's because we want to feel fortunate that it wasn't us. Some people say that it's because we are attracted to the loss of order (chaos being the natural state of the world). Some of us are just naturally attracted or fascinated by destruction or death or gore -- a natural genetic code from the days before technology and civilization, a hunting instinct that never disappeared.

Whatever the case maybe, we eventually move on. We see what we get to see (or realise that there is nothing to see or nothing more that we can see). We move on.

In horror films, especially for the ones who enjoy them (like me), we are attracted to fear. We like the rush of blood, the tension in the muscles, the shaking and quivering. It's because we want to feel alive. Fear can sometimes help jumpstart that feelin inside of you. There are those moments when the tension is so strong, we cover our eyes with our hands to avoid the shock but find ourselves peeking through spread fingers. We want to see it despite the fact we know we are going to get shocked. We think that we can actually filter the violence or the surprise by seeing only very little or in a blurred haze. And then the moment happens. Boom! We respond by either screaming, letting out a breath or just breathing easier. It's over. The moment has passed. We move on.

On to the next moment.

I don't think I'm on to the next moment. I think there is still more anxiety, more anger I need to get through because of this situation but you know what? I am sick and tired of writing about it here. I'm sick and tired of talking about it with people. I'm sick and tired of whining. So I'm off to the next moment. This is not something I am equipped to deal with. This is something I'm not capable of handling yet -- not in this state of mind, not with what I know. So I'm moving on.

Off to the next moment. Moving on...

posted by wanggo @ 4:46 PM