Hanging by the edge, almost falling off but not quite...
Danielle Brisebois from Welcome to Love, Now Go Home (written by Gregg Alexander)If you see me on the way
Just smile as you walk on by
If you see me on the way
You'll know that I gave love a try
You're the only one to say to me in all my life
Welcome to love, now go home
A friend of mine who has been reading my blog had asked me (after a week-long absence) whether I was okay. I told him I don't know. I feel so skewed inside to not even be abled to answer such a simple question. I explained to my friend what the problem was and that some people have somehow just managed to just pop up from nowhere and now I'm just filled with all these feelings and I want these people to disappear completely and I keep hearing about them.
These people just refuse to disappear.
The Kid and the Spaceman, I have not heard from in a long, long time but I keep bumping into people who either remind me of them or who I met through them or they just pop up into conversations so casually. It's like they are trying to make their presence known. You want to move on but you just can't.
And then there is the Spearmint who I am totally pissed off with right now and I erased the Spearmint's number from my phone so as to never ever text or call that God damned number again and what do I get in the morning? A text from the Spearmint informing me of the new number. Please save it. Ugh!
The Spearmint has this unnatural ability to always contact me the moment I've decided to end everything; the moment I've decided I want no more.
Today, I went and joined the volleyball practice of my office. Sometime this coming April, there will be the whole GMA departmental intramurals. A little sportfest, competition amongst the different departments of the network. I joined because I thought it would just be a friendly game.
I was dead wrong.
There are trainers and practices and looking at the other team's line-up trying to decipher the other's strengths and weaknesses. I was taken aback. This is not some friendly game. This is serious business.
I haven't played volleyball in years and was proud of myself to hold on to some semblance of skill I once displayed. I was never an amazing player but I could carry my own weight. But the training, which must've lasted for at least 3 hours, pushed me to my limits. I know I said I love being sporty now and physically active but my body was just taken for a spin. Now it hurts when I stand up and it hurts when I am about to sit down. I can't climb the stairs without grimacing in pain. I feel like my wrists are broken (but my friend says it's okay) but I'm sure, later, it's going to bruise horrendously.
It will be awhile before I get back on track and my body adapts to this much activity. I'll have to stop wall-climbing for a bit, probably do it once a week instead of 3 times. I have to let my body slowly adjust to all this activity.
It's a pleasant distraction, really. I welcome it. Some people just refuse to go away and as much as I try, I can't seem to just let go. I can feel my finger nails bleeding, holding on to the edge. The frustration comes from the inability to fall. I want the far drop and the sound of a body crashing into solid ground.
Ground zero will be marked by a smile.
posted by wanggo @ 5:06 AM
2 Comments:
you write really well! :) i find myself having to read sentences twice just to understand it. hehe sorry ignoramus ba. :p
going to your post.. shucks.. i hope everything is okay with you! and the distractions? yeah, i guess we could all use a little of that sometimes. :)
We're on the same boat partner... It always good to move on and get excited to read as to what's written on the next chapter of this book called life.
I know you'll always be in my book. We'll always be here to help you write yours.
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