Indulgence

it's great to win sometimes...

T.S. Eliot
You are the music while the music lasts.

I finally got to play my first game of volleyball with my colleagues and we won. We won our first match! It is an exhilirating feeling and is doing wonders for our morale. At the same time, we are starting to act like a team, I think, learning how to have fun even if we are taking these games seriously. All of a sudden, all our practices during the week are paying off.

With everything going in my life right now, the only times I truly enjoy the day is when I'm playing volleyball and when I'm watching Engkantadia. I can't even enjoy the company of my friends because I'm not myself. I am not who I want to be when I'm with them. I'm more cynical and biting than I usually am. I'm unfocused and for some strange reason, I tend to let out my frustrations often; bring the topic of how bad things are for me at the moment. I don't like that. And they are there for me, always checking up on me and making me feel loved and appreciated and I really admire them for that. I'd be so pissed off with myself. But they are there, giving me the space I asked for. I just didn't feel like I'd be good company and I don't want to bring anyone down with me so I prefer to stay alone. They respect that but they let themselves be present, even if its just in the periphery. Amazing people. Thanks, Jayps. Thanks, Berna. Thanks, Maik.

And the people at work are amazing as well. Such patient and wonderful people. If only people knew how hard my group works and how well they solve these difficult problems and churn out episodes day after day. If people knew, money would be thrown at their faces. They wouldn't be pirated; they'd be kidnapped and forced to work for a rival network.

Engkantadia had an interesting episode last night but a rather corny turn of events in the form of the sudden love story of Alena and Ybarro. Too sudden, too quick. Not much chemistry between them. But everything else is great for me.

Another treat was that my officemate lent me a DVD of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 4 with the episode Hush. I've heard amazing things about this episode. If I'm not mistaken, it was also nominated for an Emmy. I didn't really follow the 4th season so much so catching up with it was great. I can't wait to solve all my financial problems so I can start collecting all the Buffy DVDs. I'd love to have a complete set from Season 1 to Season 7.

Right now, it's all sunshine and rainbows. Got to keep this smile on my face. Get through the dark spots and just keep going and I know, soon, things are going to get better and more stable. Hold on to this victory. It may not be all-encompassing. We won a volleyball game; there's still work to be done, bills to be paid, debts to be honoured; but I can hold on to the victory and ride the waves of emotions that rush through me. Use it. Learn to make any small victory work for me, no matter how tiny it is in the larger scheme of things. Know what they are: small little victories; don't lose sight of the bigger picture, don't stray off to far from orbit. Hold on to the reality of the situation as well. But hold on to these little victories and use them to fuel your energies to start winning the bigger ones, the ones that truly matter. That's the master plan.

It's great to win, sometimes...

posted by wanggo @ 2:56 PM