Indulgence

homecoming

Jacques Barzun
Folly concludes that, all in all, the greater the madness, the greater the happiness.

I find myself home and I look out at the sky and I shudder to think what is waiting for me in the moments that will pass. It took me 15 minutes to get from my house in Bacolod to the airport. I arrive and it takes me 2 hours to get from the airport to my house. The traffic was horrible. My mood began to wane. And then, the family I had texted at the airport waiting area had begun to reply -- telling me how they feel, glad for my visit and that they I am so very welcomed for the gratitude I expressed for the wonderful vacation that I had. Does it balance out everything at the end of the day? I don't know. It hasn't ended yet.

I've begun to think about the differences between the city and the country; and in turn, I've begun to see the difference of myself in the city and myself in the country. Somehow, I am not fully satisfied with either and once again, I'm thinking of finding the balance between the two.

It's back to everything I left behind. It's back to the grind, the clockwork, the pressure and the squeeze. It's not necessarily a bad thing. But too much of anything is not always good. But I'm back and I'm ready for it. I'm ready for it; my eyes are open and my body is rested.

Here's a picture of the city from my window as I get home beside a picture of the beach in Bacolod. Lately, I've been very fascinated with the sky and the clouds. I had wanted to talk about this before but never really got to. Lately, for no particular reason, I've been seeing shapes in clouds again -- dolphins, castles, dancers, hands, waves, among other things. Magick has returned into my life again, very subtly. Before, clouds were just clouds and I would only look at them to gauge the weather. But about 3 or 4 weeks ago, something happened, and I would look up at the air and see castles and giants, dogs and cats, landing pads and flowers. Life is filled with symbols, I've always known that but to have them in the form of clouds, just hovering above our heads, just hanging up there gives me a sense of calm and peace. It means I haven't lost it. As tired and jaded and cynical as I might have become, a cloud is not just a cloud to me and that's a good thing. It's a very good thing.

posted by wanggo @ 5:41 PM