Indulgence

confidence

Rumi
Very little grows on jagged rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are. You've been stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender.

I'm in Boracay. Had a wonderful Christmas with my family in Bacolod and, yesterday, took the land trip to the beach and am now enjoying the beautiful sunsets of this legendary beach.

Sad to say, this is not the Boracay of my wild days. It's different. It's changed. I only know 15% of it. Everything has changed dramatically. It's a place I have to get to know all over again.

And wonderful too that I'm here alone. I do my thing. I know people here so I can go to them and say "hi." But I do my thing. If I want to go here, I go here; if I want to go there, I go there.

I eat when I want and where I want with no problem. I can go swimming or zip in the beach or do whatever I want when I want to. My problem is, being someone who likes to please people, I'm always agreeing to everything my group wants to do. Back before, I always ended up being forced to do things. I would prefer to stay with these people but because my group wanted to be with these people, so I went there. That was my other Boracay trip, my second one here. The first was great because it was my first time, everything was great. The third time, I was with different people and I was working too. The second time, though, was very disagreeable. I had fun but I wasn't doing what I wanted to do.

And here I am, getting in touch with myself and learning to be very comfortable with my choices and with my actions. Learning to stretch my limits and to push myself to be more confident. If anything, confidence is what I need, especially to make it through the next year. Confidence is the temple to which the religion of my next year must be made. Confidence is going to be the beam that will support my success. Should I not have it, everything will crumble after.

So while I'm enjoying myself here, I'm also finding more and more within me. Finding the confidence and the joy and the ability to be more sure. If anything, it's not with others that you find what you need from life but from yourself.

We are all very capable. I think we have all been put in this world with the capacity to take care of ourselves. We don't need anything from anyone. We can work and earn our place in this world. And I'm enforcing that lesson here, in Boracay, alone. I feel great.

posted by wanggo @ 7:11 PM