Indulgence

elation

Bishop Oscar Cruz
If you talk to God, that's a prayer. If He talks back to you, that's schizophrenia.

I've just been having a weird day but in a good way. I wanted to get to my writing but found so many obstacles coming my way. Important phone calls and then important dinner meetings and then a visit to my dad bringing him some food and then a social call for some coffee and picking of brains and I come home with a big smile on my face and I may not have written a word the whole day, hoping that my Saturday would have been a writing day, it is perfectly okay. I had a great time.

I'm filled with this elation, like this year is going to be a good one. I'm really excited right now and I've got this itch to write and write and write and I'm not going to hold back. I'm going to be more courageous this year. I'm going to take more risks. Travel more and really explore, not just the world but my place in it and how far I can stretch myself as a person. As a human being. As a thinking person. As an artist.

I'm going for broke here because I don't consider myself an artist. I don't think I've done enough to support that statement. I don't think I have a body of work big enough or relevant enough to call myself an artist. But then, by comparison, I see or read about people who call themselves artists and think to myself Hey, I'm just as good and I'm doing exactly the same thing or I look at what I've done -- 1 published short story, 4 published poems, a whole lot of essays written that got published in dailies and other places. I'm kind of regarded as a writer by people that I look up to and people regard me well and with much admiration. In my short span as a person (26 years is not a lot) and what I've accomplished so far, Hey! I'm not doing badly.

And it's time to start wearing the shoes that I've bought. It's time to start putting on the pants and it's time to start getting comfortable with the life I've chosen for myself.

I'm not just elated; I'm confident. I'm sure. It's time I started acting it out.

posted by wanggo @ 1:33 AM