Indulgence

something of a Valentine entry and then not really...

Nikos Kazantzakis
What a strange machine man is! You fill him with bread, wine, fish and radishes and out comes sighs, laughter and dreams.

I spent Valentine's working, pretty much. I also spent a few hours having dinner with Jaypee and talking about Valentine's for about 20 minutes and then proceeded to talk about more important things like seeing the rest of the country, having an adventure, good films and the versatility of actors and actresses and how our industry doesn't really give much opportunity to stretch their range and we also talked about less important stuff like Pinoy Big Brother (blah!) and the music of that guy who played Warren Peace in Sky High and my obsession for Beth Orton's music.

20 minutes and that's adding it all up because we could only really talk about it for a few minutes before we changed the subject. We didn't stay on the topic long, not for being bitter or anything, but really, there's nothing much to say that hasn't already been said. I guess, right now, it's something we don't need.

Yeah, it's your usual blah about Valentine's. In the back of my head, I've got more pressing concerns which is my last day in the office. Officially, today is my last day in the office but I'll be coming back to finish one more segment of Chicksmart which I started and which I want to finish and then afterwards, what? I don't know. My brother asked me what I plan to do on Thursday, the first day of my return to being a freelancer. I said, I'm going to sleep and wake up when I wake up. I want to be able to wake up and look at my phone and realise that I don't have to be anywhere, rather than waking up and realising I'm 30 minutes late. I want to wake up without guilt. And when I wake up, I want to take my time having breakfast (or most probably lunch) then taking a leisurely cigarette with my coffee (rather than huffing-and-puffing away at the cancer stick in hopes I can make it to the office in 30 minutes). Then I want to walk over to the computer at home and begin writing. Maybe pop in a DVD and get some inspiration from other more experienced writers and film-makers. Maybe I'll read a chapter off of my book. Take my time to process the energy within before just throwing myself at the keyboard writing away and then editing most of it after to start all over again.

One more day and then it's a sort of freedom; a sort of liberty to do what you please on your own time. Something I never really got to enjoy before and something I'm yearning for now. I swear, I'm going to hurt myself if I don't finish something on Thursday. Despite the fact that I'm no longer bounded to a bundy clock; I refuse to submit tot he rigors of inertia. I will be my own greater force to ensure that I will continue moving forward. I refuse to be an object at rest.

(picture taken on December 22, 2005 by Berna. We were at Kalye Juan, right after the NMI Christmas party)

posted by wanggo @ 12:20 AM