Indulgence

a good night, a good day

as texted to me by my Dad
There is no road to happiness. Happiness IS the road.

I'm actually having fun. I've got 3 hours of sleep to add to my measely or 5 hours of sleep I had since Tuesday. That's a total of 8 hours of sleep from Tuesday to Friday. But the moment I stepped into the office, I sat down on the couch and we began brainstorming for a concept of the event and the ideas were flowing smoothly from my mind. Bad or sketchy ideas were quickly shot down, without much fanfare. A quick explanation as to why it doesn't work and then we start on a new idea. It was fast and easy and fun. I love this whole brainstorming stuff. I love this group work activity. I think things are going to be okay. I think I can stop panicking now. Sure, there's a lot of work that's going to be done and needs doing but hey! That's work.

I spent the night at Jay's condo so that I could be nearer to the office so I have more time to sleep because I don't have to wake up so early to account for travel time. I planned to wake up 20 minutes before work and then walk the rest of the way to the office. It's that close by. Unfortunately, that's not what happened. My body demanded for just a little bit more time.

But as I arrived at Jay's place, Rex and Jay were watching A Lot Like Love and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the movie. We found ourselves in Jay's balcony and talking and talking about love. I want to feel it again. I want to feel love again. I want to be in love again! I then told Rex the whole story about The Spaceman, since Rex never heard the story and how everything seems to mirror the movie. I'm starting to get very anxious. I just want to be in love again.

I even said, I want to be in love again, even if it's unrequited! Just to have that feeling coursing through my body. Rex then said, what about that person loving you too? Don't you want to feel that also?

I replied, One step at a time, Rex, one step at a time. I can't even find someone to be in love with, I'm going to ask for requited love as well! I got to be realistic.

We all laughed at that. I meant it humorously, anyway. But as we said our "good nights" and I hugged the pillow and wrapped myself in the blanket, I thought, I wish I was wrapped up in something else. It's hitting me hard. I can't wait for me to catch up on my sleep. When I do, I'll be able to throw all of myself into work and when that happens, sometimes, briefly, I forget how much I want to lavish someone with love and attention and care. I love working so much it helps me forget everything else. And I need that right now.

posted by wanggo @ 3:37 PM