Indulgence

getting back to before

as texted by Darwin
I've realized that life is indeed full of contradictions. Sometimes it's crazy to be sane, you need to fall to fly, people suffer because you care, you have to unlearn to know the lesson, you have to give up because you are strong, you have to be wrong to make things right. Nonetheless, life's complexities are also life's source of beauty. We should cry to laugh again, fall apart to be whole again and get hurt to love again.

I got the new Nelly Furtado album Loose and it is quite good. Funny, coming from me, to think that most of the album was produced by Timbaland and has a very strong R&B/hip-hop feel which, anyone who knows me, is not my favourite of musical genres. But I like Nelly Furtado and I like Loose a lot. I can definitely dance to it.

I also got to see The New World with Collin Farrel, Christopher Plummer and Christian Bale. It's a beautiful film. Much like many of Terence Malick's films, The New World progresses slowly and is wonderfully shot but be patient because the story is unbelievably beautiful. I was very much moved by it. Malick just breaks down the whole experience of exploration and the exploration of something new then he twists it around. And the metaphorical exploration is just... oh God! It's such a good film. I could go on and on.

I tried to quit smoking. I had quit smoking for 2 days before I got back into the habit. That was 2 days of quitting with cheating. I had 2 sticks on each day. How's that for willpower? Ha Ha Ha Guess it wasn't really the best time to go and try and quit smoking.

Throwing myself back at work again. Went a little stir-crazy because of love (or to be more precise, the lack of it). My brother gave me a good talking down to; and though I noticed that there was so much he didn't understand about what I was going through, truth be told, it's because I wasn't being open to him. I just wasn't around. He didn't have a choice.

I was telling my friend Migui that we know how much he wants to help us out and be there for us but he had to give us a chance to be a friend and to take care of him too. It couldn't always be him taking care of us. A relationship is two-way; you get taken care of and you take care back. Accepting the help and love and concern of your friend is your duty as a friend just as helping, loving and being concerned for their welfare is part of your duty. I got caught by myself, being a hypocrite, for telling that to Migui when I wasn't doing that with my brother, of all people.

There was a lesson I learned before in a club, of all places, that life gets easier when you just accept. Submit. It is beyond our control, what gets thrown in our way but we can control ourselves. I let myself be a victim to the ravages of the world and truth be told, we all go through hard times. Some worse than others. I'm embarrassed but at least I still have a chance to make things better now.

I'm smiling again.

posted by wanggo @ 3:38 AM