Indulgence

disappointment

The Cardigans from Live and Learn (written by Nina Persson and Peter Svensson)
I got blistered and burned and lost what I earned
But I lived and I learned, yes, I live and I learned

I got it now

Disappointment flutters around me like a flock of vultures and buzzards with their wrinkled necks and large beaks and hungry eyes. They glide in the air around me and they are watching. They refuse to fly away.

At this very moment, I see no good in most people. In times of great disaster, like Hurricane Katrina destroying 80% of New Orleans, I've heard reports of massive theft, rape and assault. I heard how some people have robbed gun stores and tried to shoot down rescue helicopters. It's all hearsay but how come I do not doubt it?

People play mind games and until now, our computer at home is filled with viruses. Everyday, my yahoo mail acquires tons and tons of bulk mail -- spam messages and forwarded mail trying to invite me to watch free porn. Can't they leave us alone? If someone wants it, they'll search for it. What's the whole point of all these viruses? You're smart enough to create a program which replicates itself and then sends itself to all the e-mail addresses on the infected person's address book. You can even create spyware programs. Why don't you just get a real job, you fucking loser? You think you're better off than all of us who are computer illiterate? How I wish one day someone pulls a gun on your ass, you fucking asshole and sodomizes you 16 times with a lead pipe before pulling the trigger.

There are liars and fakers and thieves and traffic violators and people who talk on their phones in movie theatres. There are terrorists and murderers and rapists and kidnappers. I hope each one dies a slow and painful death and have their bodies used as fertiziler for the next rain forest. They don't deserve a marked grave where people can grieve. Their deaths are reasons for celebration and joy. I'll host a party.

The Cardigans from Live and Learn
I stared into the light to kill some of my pain it was all in vain
Cause no senses remain
But an ache in my body and regret in my mind but I'll be fine

I'll live and I'll learn
If you live you will learn

I go through this world and there are people who use me and hurt me and lie to me and they don't even know me. They can't fathom what I've been through and what I go through everyday and they go out there and do these things. They think they can. They don't realise what is at stake. This world can't stand another bleeder. Because if I bleed, it will be known. I will make it known. And I am capable of making such wonderful, beautiful things. What this world want is a fantasy but I can be a mirror of I choose rather than the world behind the looking glass.

I live and I learn but I'm learning that this world and a lot of people in it don't deserve the air they breathe, the space they move about in. All I need is a license from God; I can be a sin-eater. I'll gladly pull the trigger. Right now, there is a blackness in my heart that light cannot erase. No flame, no fire can burn within it.

I will ride this out. I don't like myself this angry. But I've got some wishes right now. And they are not pretty. No, these wishes are not pretty.

posted by wanggo @ 6:40 PM