Indulgence

they dropped the bomb

Poe from Amazed (written by Poe and John O'Brien)
There's no easy answer, it's true
You change the equation I add up to
And all of the things that I thought I knew
You turn it around

It was an okay day at work, you know? The one where nothing is really rushed and everything is coming easy. I could stop to watch a whole episode of Encantadia without fear that someone is waiting for me to finish something. It was that kind of day where someone asked me for something and it was ready.

I then went to join the group for poker since it's been a long time since I played poker and after a few beers too many, a lot of food and money being passed around to the person with the best hand; someone accidentally dropped the bomb.

Whoop! Bam! Boom!*

I asked a question to confirm the words that were put together that created an idea that was less than favorable. In fact, the idea that those words formed, when put together in that way and in the context to what we were talking about, were just plain malevolent. It brought about a wave of emotions within me that wanted me to burst into many tiny sharp objects hurting everyone in the room (even though I loved everyone in that room; it was only that they were present). Surprisingly, despite the beer flowing wonderfully in my veins, I was able to keep my calm. I was able to keep my composure. I asked the question. It was confirmed. A comment had passed that the bomb dropped prematurely. I was to know later in the day. I wanted to lose my head. I was asked to not react until the bomb is officially dropped. I agreed and I won't say anything or do anything other than this entry. I got to get it off my chest somehow.

I've always been arrogant about the fact that I always end up knowing things I'm not suppose to know. For one reason or another, I always end up knowing some sort of secret. Someone always tells me or something happens that I get the information. I don't know why but it always happens. This is one of those things, I'm thinking. I mean, after all, I'm suppose to find out later today; I found out a whole lot of hours later. When someone I cared about and who I thought cared about me was cheating on me, I found out 2 weeks before the clear set evidence appeared. I was way beyond ready and prepared to deal with the issue at hand.

The bomb dropped. My head is bleeding but I can't begin to mend the wound yet. After all, I'm not yet suppose to know.

* Woop! Bam! Boom! is taken from the Kate Bush song Song of Solomon; written by Kate Bush

posted by wanggo @ 4:00 AM