Indulgence

This is how the day began...

Wild Colonials from Girl (written by Angela McLuskey, Scott Rowe, Shark and Paul Cantaleon)
Don't think I'm blind because I close my eyes.

I visited friends as the dawn was beginning. After a few laughs, I stepped out into the balcony. I was suppose to light a cigarette and instead found someone in my arms; honestly, I was having the bad morning, I was expecting it to be the other way around. There was a kiss and then there was a pushing away. There was a pushing away. Get the point?

I go home and the sun is out and everyone is beginning their day. I'm just ending mine. I take a shower and as I lay down on my bed, my Mom wakes up and she goes to the bathroom to shower. She is going to begin her day. I'm just ending mine.

I close my eyes and instead of sleeping, I think of what the day is going to be like. I don't really fall asleep but rather escape somewhere else. It's a weird dream that seemed so real despite it's disjointedness of reality. My uncle who has passed away was there and he was at his most charming, at his sweetest. My brother in the States was with us without his family. He was at his most charming, at his sweetest. We were in a beach wonderland and everything was for free and there was no one else in the beautiful resort but us. My sister, who is in Bacolod was with us; so was her dead dog Bijou, the dachsund who thought it was human.

I woke up 4 hours after I was suppose to. No, I didn't wake up; I came back from that other place. I was filled with the broken pieces of what's inside me. Everything within is shattered, or at least feels that way. I walk and the sharp ends rip my skin from the inside. This is internal bleeding. I get to the office really late. There is much to do. I am not there when the bombs drop. I am not there when they fall. There is much to do.

There is always so much to do. This is how the day began; this is also how mine ended.

posted by wanggo @ 8:43 PM