Indulgence

Best Summer Ever

As texted to me by my Dad
We are here to be creators. We are here to infiltrate space with ideas and mentions of thought. We are here to make something of this life.

I keep thinking what a fucking lucky bastard I've been these past few days. I left GMA NMI sometime in February and started doing some freelance work, writing for events, corporate AVPs and 1 or 2 articles and while I didn't get paid for them yet, I found myself with a lot of gigs performing for Planetzips. I may not have been wealthy this summer but I've been able to get by, you know? And then, re-connecting with old friends allowed me to go to so many beaches this summer. A commercial gig, because of Planetzips again, also got me to the beach and because of friends from Planetzips, I found myself going to Caliraya for the first time, a beautiful lake in Laguna. I've been offered so many things -- 2 movies, a fantastic regular job and a possibility to go out of the country. And while none of them seem to be pushing through, the point is, people want me. There have been days when I didn't want to do anything so I didn't do anything -- I would stay in my friend's condo the whole day, lying down, smoking cigarettes, eating chips and watching television and sleeping.

I've finished a really good book and am starting a really fascinating one now -- The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson and it's rivetting. It's my first non-fiction book in a long time and it chronicles the events of the World Fair in Chicago in 1893 following the lives of the 2 men who best exemplified it. The architect who built it and the serial killer who used it to bait his victims. It's well-written and I think I'm going to enjoy it immensely in the coming days.

I feel so bad because I keep promising myself that after this, I'll start to get busy. After this, after that... but afterwards comes another chance to just enjoy. Sometimes, I wonder, if this is a reward for continuous hard work of the past 2 years and that I deserve to just enjoy my life for this brief instance or is that a trap? Maybe it's some wayward path that will bring me towards a spiral of laziness and high expectation? I don't know.

But right now, I don't want to stop having fun. I've never been more creative. Already, I've thought up of 3 new stories that will translate well into films or short stories. I've got germs of ideas crawling all over the spaces in my head. All I ask is for some downtime, 3 days where no one is here at my place so I can just write and write and write. But it gets so busy here with the baby and all and noisy and so many things to do, so many distractions. I prefer being out to have some time for myself in-between getting to places. But I keep spinning around, keep moving on. This will lead up to something, I'm sure. Just don't stop. Keep moving forward. And this is not a road block, this is not a time out, all this enjoyment and fun. It's all part and parcel of making something of this life. I won't stop. Life should be this fun.
(picture of me laughing was shot in Cagbalete, Holy Week 2006 by Jay; picture of me fire-spinning was taken in Boracay April 22, 2006 by Jay)

posted by wanggo @ 6:42 PM