Indulgence

Experience

attributed to C. S. Lewis
Courage is not a single virtue but all our virtues coming together at a point when we are tested.

I just finished reading Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go. Once again, I was left crying in my bed, holding a book to my chest and just feeling the moment. It's a good book, really. Lyrical prose, very descriptive yet full of movement -- both internally for the characters and the plot. It's always moving. It's definitely in my recommended reading list. It's a beautiful book.

I've come to think of my life in a certain way. Had a conversation with someone recently; I remember telling them that I'm an extreme person. It's very important for me to feel things. It's why I take everything personally and seriously. It's important for me to feel something. Which is why, sometimes, I choose to do stupid things. Sometimes, being smart is safe but safe never brought you far in this world, in terms of experience. Maybe I'm the kind of guy who learns the hard way and I prefer it that way, really. My brother Datu has been through a lot and Jubal is very logical and reasonable and they tell me often that I'm about to make a mistake but no matter how well they map out the situation for me, I'll still do it, you know? I got to learn it on my own.

I don't know if that's a writer thing. Better to experience it myself, so as better to write about it later on, rather than just take it on hearsay and never really know what it really is about. It's important for me to go through the motions, to go through the decision-making and then the consequence (or reward). I want to taste the bitterness and the sweetness of life. It's not enough for me to reach the finish line; I've got to reach it with mud on my shoes, perspiration on my shirt, and with cuts and scratches. I don't want to reach the end line pristine and just how I left. There'd be no point, otherwise.

So yes, I'm an extreme person. Sometimes, I consider myself all heart and no head; ready to bleed as long as I come away with something after. Because that's the treasure. It's not what's in the chest but the fact that you went through hell and high water to get it. The value is not in the gold and how much it is worth, the value comes from what you did to get it.

I don't know why I ended up of thinking of this. I thought it would be more in tune to the book Never Let Me Go. I thought I'd be talking more about the human soul but I ended up thinking about emotions and life and the way I live it. Funny.

I think this picture says a lot about how I feel right now. Do you know that Smart Ad on the beach with Bamboo? If you've seen it long enough, you'd see the fire breathers and fire dancers all over that commercial. I'm one of `em. It was a good gig, really. Got to go to the beach for free and got paid good money to dance with fire all day. In-between takes, I'd jump into the cool water to cool down and I got a gorgeous tan right afterwards. At one point, I had to climb up onto a platform that was 15 feet up in the air and spin my fire poi and though you barely make me out from the half-second it aired and from the many other things to look at, I was up there for a good 40 plus minutes. Had I fallen or had the pole fallen, I would have been seriously injured. But that wasn't the point, I guess. The point was that I went up the ladder and spun fire on a platform 15 feet up in the air. The heat was unbelievable and the height was dizzying but I had a huge smile on my face and I kept cracking jokes to the other fire dancers on the poles nearby. Hey Migui! I can see your house from here! I kept shouting. And I hadn't slept a wink the whole time and we were exhausted at this point. But should I find myself talking to some kids in my old age, what a story to tell, eh?

If it is one thing that can define me, it will be my passion, my zest for life. And honestly, there's nothing about that to be ashamed of.

(picture taken in the first week of April in Calatagan, Batangas by Christelle Santa Maria)

posted by wanggo @ 2:57 AM