Indulgence

hopeful, joyous, happy

As texted to me by my Dad
Never mind loving your enemies... just treat your friends a little better.

It would be wonderful to go off and write about the many wonderful conversations I had in Cagbelete during Holy Week or to talk about the amazing changes that have passed between people, real close friends who haven't seen each other in 2 years, or maybe to talk about the quasi-spiritual experience of sitting in a beach under the light of a full moon and everything is quiet except for the surf and your own breathing. I want to talk all about that but in a matter of 2 days, my whole life has changed again.

I asked for something and I got it. I got it almost immediately. There was a moment of panic and then it was complete and total submission to the situation and all I could think about was God damn it! I'm a God damned lucky son of a bitch! Of course, I probably worked my ass off to get this far in my life. I can't say I haven't earned it. I've worked since I was 14. I got to where I am without the help of my Father. Maybe having his family name helped, but I never asked him to connect me with anyone. I proved to him that I was a good writer, otherwise he would never have asked me to write for him. I proved to people that despite my heritage, I wasn't a fake, I'm the real deal. I proved to myself that I can go far beyond what people expect of me. I asked for it and I got it.

So now I've got 4 amazing, wonderful group of friends whom I trust and love being around. Some old that I've returned to, some new that I am adjusting to and finding my place and others in the middle ground creating a space where we can all find time to meet again between our busy schedules. I really, really can't ask for more.

Yet I have and I got it. A cup of coffee, 3 quarter pack of cigarettes and 2 and a half hours of conversation has brought my heart up into a tailspin.

As I texted Cholo after the night:

My God, Cholo! I'm in a tailspin! I'm in mid-air and I don't know if
I am flying or falling! Everything is weird. The good news is that I
think I'm coming up with something big. Something we can do. Wish me
luck! I'm not releasing the parachute just yet. I'm going to see
where this takes me. I hope you are in a good place.

And this might be stupid but it's the hope, the thrill, the electricity running through my spine that I love. I love this feeling of having something to look forward to. It's been 2 years since I've felt this way, this kind of energy coursing through my body. All of a sudden, I'm 2 shakes away from writing something meaningful.

This week has just been pure heaven and it's only Tuesday. On Thursday I leave for Boracay, to just absorb all that has happened in the past 2 days. One thing I'm sure of, I said it was time to get busy. When I get back, I'll definitely be busy.

Life can't get any better than this, for me, at the moment. I am extremely grateful.

(pictures taken in Cagbalete, Quezon during Holy Week, 2006. Those are good, close friends Morx and Jay, happy, I hope, to take me back in.)

posted by wanggo @ 4:34 PM