Indulgence

It Will All Come To Be

Wild Colonials from Heaven and Hell (written by Angela McCluskey and Scott Roewe)
Saw you again the other day
Walking into the night
"There's nothing wrong with me," you said
"Think I just saw the light."
And I tried, tried with all my might
And I tried, tried with all my might

Well, all the money I made from zipping the past few weeks have gone straight to paying for rent, my phone bills and my credit card bills. I'm not complaining, am just happy that I'm still able to keep up with my payments. It's just weird, because I was promised loads and loads of cash from my horoscope, my numerologist and everything else. Well, that's what happens when you believe in these things. Actually, I can see all the potential -- it's all there, within view. I just seem incapable of tapping into it. Like, I'm scared to, that if I tap into it, I'll lose something essential within me. Or am I just so scared of hard work? I've worked so hard to only get by this past year. I remember 2004, where I was making shit loads of money for half the work I did in 2005. 2005, I was doing real work, hard work, honest work and on something I really believed in and all it got me was tired. Nothing more, nothing less.

Am I actually scared of working hard again? Could that be it? Am I just looking for those 2 television shows that will make me rich and where I don't have to work so hard? How did I get those 2 shows, anyway? God! I really messed those up. That was a real sweet deal and it's all gone now.

But I'm really a happy person right now. I mean, I got to do everything I wanted and I got to really focus on zips, which have become an important, integral part of my life, I feel. And I wouldn't have been able to do that attached to some regular employment. The freedom I have, I am really enjoying. I just wish that people would pay on time and would pay what it is worth, you know? I wouldn't have these pangs of giving up this life. I wouldn't be thinking of looking for a part-time job.

I love this whole bohemian lifestyle, you know? I am really enjoying this. I feel very artistic and very free and it allows me to really just dream and be alive. I feel that a year of this will follow a rush to write it all down and I'd have an excellent manuscript for some non-fiction novel, you know? I feel like a year of this kind of living makes up for wonderful writing.

I'm just scared, you know? That to go back to regular employment might make me lose important opportunities that are just waiting to be grabbed. And that those opportunities don't come if I don't hold on for just a little while longer. I'll try to be patient, try to survive for just a few months more and see if I can make it work out, you know?

Truth be told, a lot of people would die to have this life, to be able to control my schedule and make money from that which you love doing. This is a privilege I'm not taking for granted. Be strong, Wanggo, be strong. You can do this. It will all come to be.

posted by wanggo @ 8:02 PM