Indulgence

analysis of the retreat

Winston Churchill
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

My Dad's here for a short while. Some business he has to attend to. Found out we've been having the same string of unfortunate events. From April to June, my Dad and I have been sorely depressed. Things haven't been going our way. As he arrived today, we kept talking about all the things we've learned in the three months of moping and acting out against the world. Where my Dad lashes out and gets angry, finding himself with very little patience, I retreat into a small, little world where no one can come in.

It's funny, you know? How, back in college and a few years after that, I've somehow built a persona that made people run to me for advice or comfort. I'm the one who people find refuge with. Or, I'm the guy people hang out with for some fun. People like my company, I've been told. When I had my moments of weakness before, I had always been told to snap out of it! We're not used to seeing you like this. And no matter how I was feeling inside, I'd have to be the usual funny-guy, always reliable, trustworthy Wanggo that people know and love.

So it's become almost immediate that when I'm not myself -- if I'm down and depressed and confused about everything, I retreat from the world. I don't show myself except to a very select few. Unfortunately, that select few don't include anyone in my family. I retreat even from them and they don't like it. As my brother has said when he gave me a good talking-down to last week, You're sweet when you want to be but when you're like this, you're a real ass. Fair enough.

My Dad's here and we're both getting out of our deep funk and it's funny that we are both here, talking about it. It's not a lot of people's month, really and then now, Mercury has to run into retrograde. Whoopee-doo-dah! But I am getting out of it, smiling easier now and spending time with my family and becoming a little bit more congenial again. I got through this by watching 2 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. My Dad saw this video of a guy who was shouting and shouting because of this utter helplessness and powerlessness that he was feeling. He could relate and realised that it doesn't solve anything nor will it make anything better.

That's how the cookie crumbles. Life is really messy. It helps to know that we're not alone.

posted by wanggo @ 8:40 PM