Indulgence

putting on my game face

As texted to me by my Dad
Creativity is unusual stuff. It frightens. It deranges. It's subversive. It mistrusts what it hears. It dares to doubt. It provokes. It acts. Even if it errs.

I'm putting on my game face again. This time I'm tackling all the projects I've got. I'm getting there, to that point of focus again. There'll be nothing but work for me. No more distractions. No more moping around.

Found out recently that a contest I joined didn't even get me into the short-list. It was a writing contest, naturally. Decided to use my skills to figure out how well I did. That way, if I got bad news, I can just throw it in with the rest of the bad news of June. If it was good news, I could say that things are finally looking up. Well, it was bad news. Just more bad news from the month of June... But it's also a wake up call for me. I need to brush up on my personal writing, the writing I do for myself. I'm not as tight or clean or as good as I was back in college when I was going through workshop classes in writing and I was constantly surrounded by inspiring and inspired people. I could feed off from them and from my mentor's who were always encouraging yet firm in their guidance. I got to do it for myself now. And if I can write really good film scripts, then the rest should follow. I just have to tap into that younger self that absorbed things like a sponge.

I'm dead certain that there's no where else to go but up. Ben asked me the other day, so you've had a terrible June, huh? Is July going to be better? I then responded, it's gotta be! It can't get any worse. If it did get any worse, I'd be on the streets! Probably an exaggeration but it really can't get any worse. And the only way to make sure it doesn't is to get out of the funk I'm in.

So I've gotten rid of some expectations -- from the world and from myself. Ben and the rest of the gang at Tuldok Animations call my lifestyle The Bohemian Lifestyle and while there are elements of my life that follow it, I could be more bohemian, more liberal. Maybe I should return to that sort of thing. Maybe I should go back to that frame of mind; when I wasn't so stuck up over certain things. I was more loose. I was more free. I put certain standards to myself which didn't really do me any good. In fact, it made things worse.

No more of that. At the end of the day, anyway, the people who matter don't care. As long as I'm not hurting anyone and that I'm happy, their happy. And putting up those ideals didn't do me any good and hasn't made me a better person. In fact, I got more restless, more distracted, more lost.

So none of that now. More bohemian. Put the game face on. July is going to be different.

posted by wanggo @ 5:08 AM