Indulgence

Deliverance

A Camp from The Same Old Song (written by Nina Persson and Niclas Frisk)
Don't be a stepping stone
get it all out, deliver it

I find myself returning to Manila with more work than I ever expected. I really have to learn to say "no" sometimes but here they all were, waiting for me, promises made when times were not as busy, when things were still easy to juggle. They all come at once. I've said before, I say it again, it's never just a steady downpour -- it's always drought then monsoon, famine and then feast. It never comes easy. So I will not complain. I'll whine in pain as the knots on my back begin to get tighter and my eye bags get bigger and my body clock goes all awry because I sleep at the oddest hours just to get to my deadline, but I will not complain about all this work that has come. In fact, some of them are all that I've been asking for for the longest time. Ingratitude only leads to loss. Nothing is given to those who do not know how to appreciate things. It is in our ability and capacity to value that we are showered with generosity.

So I've finally finished my first work of fiction in almost 3 years and it feels great. The story is still hazy, not clear cut and dried but I think that has something to do with depth and the fact that the story is still very close to me right now. The inspiration of the story just happened the other day and to write about it so soon might've been a little too dangerous but it needed to be written and someone was asking for a fiction piece from me. So I submitted it, hoping that it will be considered for publication.

One by one, my to-do list gets longer and longer and as the days pass, I start to cross out each item one by one. There is still a lot to do but it can be done. This is all part and parcel of the future that I want for myself. All of this will add up and very soon, I'll be in a place where I can pick and choose my projects based on my mood and my preference. It will have nothing to do with my being in need from that moment.

I will work hard now to deliver myself from a life of desperation in the future. This is not the time to play, I must remember that. Deliverance will come in the form of the recognition of all my hard work and when that happens, I'll be free. I will be able to do what I want.

And I recognize Palawan's unbelievable effect on me. Just because I'm in full work mode doesn't mean I'll stop traveling. The more I will so that I can continue to re-charge and get inspired and continue all this writing. It's like a wheel. I've come full circle. Once again, I'm a writer, in full force.

Someone read the script that I wrote lately and told me he cried after reading it. I've hit the bull's eye, it seems on this one. I just cross my fingers and hope to God that it will be produced and that it won't just be another one thing I did that never reached its completion. But I'm doing the rounds. I'm paying my dues. I'm getting there.

And I'll find myself there, where I want to be again. There's more to this now than what it originally was. I have been delivered from singularity. There is so much more and I take it in.

I take it all in.

posted by wanggo @ 1:44 AM 0 comments

holding butterflies in your hand...

Poe from Terrible Thought (written by Poe, John O'Brien and Mike Elizondo)
I must stay calm, you know I must be clear
It's going to take a hundred thoughts to make this one disappear
A train like that will travel with us all for years
A terrible thought could have a terribly long career

In Palawan, I found myself at the Butterfly garden where, in a lovely enclosure filled with beautiful flowers and a net placed over the top of the walls surrounding it so that sun light came in and you could see the sky, they would breed butterflies. You step in and there they were, bouncing up and down in the air. They would land on leaves, flowers, on your hair or back. Stay perfectly still and they would land on your outstretched hand and/or your finger. You could feel its proboscis (or whatever you call its mouth) poke at your skin and it doesn't hurt at all. It would tickle me if I were ticklish. Such beautiful, gentle creatures. If only they lived longer but they have a set purpose.
I remember reading a book on biology back when I was still in grade school that said butterflies help spread pollen all over and ensure that flowers grow, or something to that effect. Or was it, when they would feed on flowers, they would transfer the stamen or pistil or whatever where the "male" parts of the flowers to the "female" parts of the flower and help them breed or something. I know it has something to do with the continuation of flowers. Something like that. They are an important balance to ecology, anyhow.

I was amazed, all of a sudden by the sheer strength I had in comparison to them. It wouldn't take much effort for me to snap them between my fingers. What was shocking was that I was so beholden to them that it was these tiny little butterflies that had me in my own grasp! They had power over me because I was so in awe of them. At least, for us, their purpose was clear. Ours, well, we are still trying to figure it out, right?

The meaning of life is not all that complicated, really. There is none. Life is its own meaning. It would probably have a singular meaning if we were all after the same thing and if we all did the same thing but it is not so; that is not the case. We are all individuals who hone our very different talents and skills to pursue different goals. As social beings, we help each other; we find people whom compliment us and make up for things that we lack. We are one species, definitely but we live different lives. So there can't be one simple meaning to it all, can there?

I've decided long ago that, for me, the meaning of life is for us to reach our utmost potential; to be the best of what our imaginations can make out for us. We are to learn and improve on ourselves and to have as much fun and joy as possible. Life is a gift, with it comes feelings, experiences and thought. It comes with wonder and joy and longing and hope. I will not simply box all this in some simple little formula that says this is the way things are and the way things should be. No, I am too grateful to do something like that. Instead I will take this mind, this heart, this soul and this body and do with it as I please and what I please is to be the best that I can be. To be all that I can be and even more until there is nothing left.

Take a look at my happy face. I must say this is not the most flattering of pictures but I was truly happy. Surrounding me was the gorgeous sea, blue in all its splendour. On one side, a gorgeous beach, mountains and trees. It is an actual forest. I was asked to smile and I shouted out for joy for there was wind in my hair and a rising feeling in my heart.

I wrote 8 pages of a short story again in a matter of 2 and a half hours. Just like that, it was written. I had forgotten how good it felt to write fiction and for it to come easy to me like that. Automatic writing, it was. I formulated the opening in my head and the characters and just begun writing and it went out straight. Almost like a sneeze but with more grace, with more wonder. I'm using that word a lot these days wonder. What a terrific word! That's what happens to you when you are shown something so much more grander than yourself, than what you know. You become bigger because you know you are a part of it, somehow. And so I've begun writing again. I've begun writing short stories again. And soon, who knows? I might end up writing another poem. It's been months since my last and a whole year and a half since then.

It's this glorious energy running through me and making me feel all that is my passion. In a way, I don't just know that it is there but I can feel it running through me like I used to feel it before. How wonderful to be so alive!

At Sabang Beach, just as we were about to walk into the reservation where monitor lizards walk free and monkeys climb trees just an arm's reach away. Through the wood, we walked on a wooden path towards the lagoon in the previous blog entry that led to the underground river and a very dark cave (more on that soon). I've never been anywhere more lovely, more alive.

I swear, this is a beach where mermaids have been and something with very large fingers scraped against the rocks and made it look like such. The fingers of God? Maybe. But I was there. And I was both working and having a blast. It doesn't always have to be one or the other.

And upon your finger, a butterfly lands and you realise how big you are in relation to small things and how small you really are in the end. And just like that, it flutters away and you are holding nothing but emptiness and a memory that it was there. But it is enough to open your eyes and realise that all this time it was closed. And a wind will blow through your hair and cool the nape of your neck, and you turn your head to see that they have never been so near and within reach, and that hundreds more wait, hidden behind leaves and flowers and the fullness of life...

posted by wanggo @ 8:03 AM 2 comments

deep thoughts

Abra Moore from No Fear (written by Abra Moore and Jay Joyce)
And when it is cold out, feel no fear
Get something to hold on to now, feel no fear

It's been a long time since I last posted anything here. I came from Palawan and found myself a changed person somehow. Originally, I wanted to just write and write about my whole trip but after the exhausting return to Manila traffic, during a heavy rainstorm and a rally to oust the president, I decided not to stay in the office long and just go home to get some rest. I found myself without will to go to the office during the weekend because I just wanted to be home and think about all the things that happened to me in Palawan.

I didn't really get to stay home. I met up with some people and did some more work that wasn't my regular job -- side rackets for extra cash and so I got to do a lot of thinking about the whole spectrum of my life. So instead of just making one long post about Palawan, the magickal island will just keep popping up now and then in my blog entries... As they do in my thoughts these days.

If anything, one of the things we shot in the beautiful island is in Sabang where there is arguably one of the oldest Mangroves in the world. It is also very beautiful. These trees, some of them 100 years old, have their large roots sticking out of the water like legs of some frightening spider. The trees hung above our heads to almost 50 feet in height, maybe taller (am not very good with measuring with just my eyes) and it rained giving this eerie feeling. But as the rain died, and we were paddling through the river between, there was this silence that hung about us. The woods go on forever and you are sure that if there is such a place where fairies and dwarves and other mythical creatures reside, it would be in a place like this. I was half-expecting to see them dancing between the trees, darting to and fro from sight. There was this shimmering glow from the raindrops that got caught in the leaves and would drop at irregular intervals, catching the sun and making everything shine. Entering the mangrove forest during the rain was adventurous and bold and daring. But to be in the midst of it when the rain stopped and sun came out was truly inspiring. It was breath-taking and I didn't dare speak. I didn't dare say a word. It was just so breath-taking.


The boatman told me that the mangroves in Sabang had a name. Stupid me, I had forgotten it but it went something like the "Inspirational Mangrove..." or something like that because everyone who ever set foot in it had left with a longing to create something. They were inspired and this is how I feel right now.

I look at my life and all the things that I do. Things that have become inconsequential and routine and wonder why I do them. I've begun to question my true motives and I've been able to actually let go of the hurt and the pain of past failures. In a part I had to attend last Saturday (it was for work), I saw the Spaceman and I had no intention of doing something bitter or hurtful. In fact, I was happy to see the Spaceman. It was strange. I had let go of past hurt. And I know, for a fact, that the mangroves did this to me.

This is the lagoon right before the underwater cave. It was so peaceful. In fact, when we got there, we got to see a monitor lizard, about 4 feet long, swimming in it, breaking the stillness of the water yet it was so silent. The crew and I just fell silent as we've never seen anything like this before. It was truly beautiful. The cave before us was menacing and swallows kept flying in and out. We thought, at first they were bats, but the boatmen there told us that it was still afternoon, so they were swallows. The bats come out at night.

We went in the cave (but that's another story) but this lagoon had its own profound effect on me. It made me realise the beautiful places of the world and really instilled this wanderlust in me. By hook or by crook, I will get to see this world.

This world just got so much bigger to me than ever. I've been to many places before but nothing like this. Nothing this beautiful or impressive.

It makes one want to cry in joy. How can one be an atheist? It is sad to think that there is a scientific explanation to all the beauty in the world. Somehow, it takes away all the wonder and the magic of a place like this. That still, clear and silent lagoon. That sheer rock face and the gorgeous trees. Those growing trees in the mangrove, who've seen a hundred years and will see more. The swallows and the bats, the monitor lizards and the monkeys. The clear blue sea and the green waters that were so clear you could see the bottom. And there was I, in the center of it all, taking it all in, the beauty permeating through me and making me wonder about myself and everything else.

It still takes my breath away.

posted by wanggo @ 9:08 PM 0 comments

give a day

Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

I gave myself a day today. Well, not very true. I didn't give myself a whole day, it was more like half a day. I went to work late since I woke up late and I did some work at the office and started preparing for my Palawan trip which will be in about 3 to 4 hours. I'm going to Palawan for work, not a vacation but hell, a trip to a beautiful island is a trip to a beautiful island. I'm just extremely glad for it. So when everything was done and it was decided that I should sleep at the office so I could finish more work and get picked up by the van so I can bring all the equipment to the airport, I left the office rather early for myself and watched a movie. I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith and absolutely enjoyed myself. I ate dinner alone and walk home from Greenhills, smoking and deep in thought.

The other day, I gave my brother and my Father a day. Well, not very true. I gave them an evening, not a whole day but I gave them one nonetheless for it was Father's Day and they are both fathers, after all. So the three of us and my brother's wife, Kristi went to Moksha and had a fabulous dinner and then went to Icebergs after for mounds of ice cream -- all on my treat. I wanted them to feel that on a day that was given to fathers, that they are appreciated. One, for having been a great father and the other for promising to be a great one as well. Afterwards, they dropped me at Greenhills and alone, I went to watch Batman Begins and completely enjoyed myself. I found it to be a great movie and Christopher Nolan has elevated himself into one of my top 3 favourite directors in Hollywood and Christian Bale as my favourite actor as of the moment. I completely enjoyed myself in that movie and was so very glad to see it.

I guess, in a way, I needed it for Saturday was a very difficult work day for me. At 7 pm, I had gone to the Fete dela Musique at El Pueblo and Podium to cover the amazing event. 7 stages, 150 bands and an estimated crowd of 6,000. It was definitely a handful and a tiresome night at work. If I wasn't working, though, I'm sure I would've enjoyed it. I love live music, especially when done well and I was amazed to hear such great music. I would've loved to have seen the whole performance of Cynthia Alexander and seen Kitchie Nadal's performance from the front, rather than hear it from backstage where I was interviewing some bands for the show. I would've loved to see Pinikpikan and Reggae Mistress performance and then run to the electronica stage to listen to Drip and Sound and then off to the jazz stage and listen to Mishka Adams and Isha. It was an amazing event and working there was very, very tough. The crowd was impossible and were everywhere and they were getting in the way of the camera and making it difficult for us to shoot our host doing spiels. I was lugging a heavy bag and the microphone wire and when we ended at 3 in the morning, I was so tired and my body sore that I couldn't sleep because of the exhaustion.

I guess that's why I gave myself a day. Well, I gave the time and effort to not work and to just give myself some time to enjoy the simple things that makes life fun -- good food, art and entertainment, walking under a moonlight night, good company and not having to think about work.

Those are important things I'm not letting go off now. That's something I think I'm going to do a little more often now -- giving myself a day. Time is gold, they say. It's a pretty expensive gift, if you ask me.

posted by wanggo @ 2:19 AM 0 comments

look, stare, gaze, glare, observe

Chungking, from Following (written be Chungking)
I won't be following
You were just borrowing me

The other night, someone told me that I looked at people in a different way than most. In fact, I was told that nobody else has ever stared/looked/gazed as I do. There is something comfortable yet unnerving about the way my eyes just pick a subject and stay there. This person told me that the way I look at someone can put that person in the defensive. I can make people feel vulnerable, that person said.

I don't know why but it never really bothered me. I was told, time and time again, that staring is rude and it's true. But I want to absorb every little detail of whatever it is I'm looking at. And people are the most fascinating subjects. I like seeing the way they move; the little unconscious movements; trying to determine if that was a fluke or a re-occuring nervous tick. I want to see the way their eyes flicker when they are excited, what they do with their hands when they are nervous. If I can collate enough data, I could pretty much figure out when someone is lying or how someone is feeling. If I have observed someone enough, I could do that. So yeah, I stare.

I can stare at someone for hours; trying to figure out the possibilites. If they say the eyes are the windows of the soul, then my soul is constantly looking outwards and I am constantly trying to look in. There are so many stories there, in someone's soul that I want to get to and so I can stare at someone's eyes forever.

And yes, it has gotten me into trouble at times. People thinking that I was rude or itching for a fight. People have found me snobbish or too flirty. People mistake my look for being anything other than what it is; I'm really trying to discover who that person is by entering the window to their souls; cliche as it may be.

Even when I'm wrong, even if I am at fault, I've been known to be able to look someone straight in the eye. I suppose it is a way for me to discover how the other person feels. Did I hurt this person badly? Or is it just something they quickly need to let out and everything will be okay again? I want to know these questions through what I can see in their eyes. Sometimes, I've had people look away while they were telling me that I had done them wrong. I suppose it is also my sense of conviction. Yes, I did wrong. I'm sorry. I'm ashamed and I want you to know that. And I will look you in the eye which is what you deserve, I guess.

And maybe I have led people on with the way I look straight into their eyes. Maybe they find a glimmer of something but are unsure what it is and mistake it for something else. I hope not. I hope that is not the case. But it could be.

But it's what I do. I look, I stare, gaze and glare. I observe. I stare out of the windows of my soul, leaving myself bare for the world to accept or reject. I'll take whatever comes my way.

posted by wanggo @ 8:01 PM 0 comments

unknown grounds, unknown paths

Texted to me by my Dad
Success is getting what you want... Happiness is wanting what you get.

I have a plan. In the past 3 to 4 weeks, I've been struck by a strong sense of wanderlust. All of a sudden, I want to see the world. I want to experience it, feel it at the very sinews and bones of my body. I want to absorb everything that I can. I want my feet to travel on unknown ground, unknown paths.

In 2 years, I want to leave. I want to get a storage space and put all my things there. Then, I'm just going to up and leave. Take a flight to whatever country that suits my fancy and stay at the city there. Get a cheap place to live, like really cheap. I'll find work and just stay there for 2 to 3 weeks. Travel around and see the sights. Talk to people, learn the rudimentary phrases and some important sentences in the native language. I want to see all the sights I can, try to catch a show or maybe a fiesta or celebration. Take day trips to nearby cities or villages and see everything I can. When I've exhausted my wanderlust for that particular place, I go off and get on a plane to the next city in another country and do the same thing.

I want to go all over Asia. Go to Bangkok, Phuket and one more Thai city/village before moving on to Malaysia, then Vietnam, Indonesia, whatever is safe to visit in Myanmar and Laos. I'd love to see India, China, Korea and Japan. I have no plans of staying at a place for longer than 3 months. Some places would probably only last for 3 weeks at the most. And then, if the wanderlust is still there; go to Egypt, Africa, especially South Africa and visit Johannesburg and Cape Town. And then, I'd follow it up with Morocco and whatever part of Europe I'll be allowed entry to.

Yeah, I want to go back-packing for a couple of years. I want to see the world.

I want to write about my experience and take an unbelievable amount of pictures. I want to see so many things and learn so many important phrases and sentences from other languages. I want to be familiar with the different cultures of the world and find out what are universal and what are specific. I want to be a true child of the Earth; not bound by borders or citizenship.

For that, in my two year plan as preparation for this true wanderlust, I need to do several things. First of, is to acquire some skills that will help me land easy jobs where I am not required to actually stay long. The first thing I thought of was bartending. There will always be a bar or a restaurant in every city I go to. I don't plan on becoming rich; the money is just to help support me in my stay. And a job as a bartender or waiter will allow me to meet a lot of people because people always go out, people always eat, people always goes out to have fun.

An advice of a friend is also to learn how to zip. Zips are these wonderfully lovely things that you dance with. They are these long lovely ribbons attached to a handle and if you know how to use them, they look particularly lovely when in fluid, constant motion. Apparently, my friends who do zip are always asked to appear in events and stuff and get paid rather well for it. They can be the life of a party, really. And if you become really good at it, you can even be a fire zipper. Pictures of this can be found at my friend's Cat's blog - Calamansi. Check out the links section at the left side of my blog. Also, check out planetzips.com where you can order or find more information about it.

My cousin adviced me also to offer English language tutoring to people who live nearby where I am staying and the like. I can do it on a tutorial basis so it doesn't really require me to have any sort of Education degree and the pay should be really good. And a lot of countries are very open to learning English. Not a bad idea.

If worse comes to worse, menial jobs are always available. The point is, now, is to make myself more flexible as a person. Who knows what kind of jobs are open to me when I get there, right?

I know tons of people who have done this, the whole back-packing lifestyle. But this is a big thing for me. I'm someone who truly enjoys being at his comfort zones. Taking any step away from them is a huge thing for me. But I want this. I want to see the world. I want to have this huge world view. This is what I want. I'm going to do this.

It will change me and make me a better person. Who wouldn't want that, right?

posted by wanggo @ 6:40 PM 2 comments

Kinabuhayan Cafe: a look

from Offering by Rowena Torrevillas
Each sharp sprig
Each upward step
Left on the bare
Intermediary ground
Its own act
Of faith.

For all who want to take a look at the awesome wonder of what I experienced last week in Dolores, Quezon, here are the pictures. The pristine beauty of the land still lingers in my mind from time to time. My love for wall-climbing has even begun to extend towards rock-climbing and climbing mountains. I've been touch by a Wanderlust that I've never really felt before. Yes, I've always wanted to travel. To see the wonders of other places, to see the grand design of other cities and to feel the culture but I've never had a wanderlust for nature. It came with the territory of seeing other places but not so much as being the only thing to do. But now, I wouldn't mind. 4 days in a world so primal, so pure, so naked. It sounds great.

For those who want to go to Kinabuhayan Cafe, as there have been questions for their contact numbers, here is their website.


The huts have no walls here... It is open air and breezy. Sunlight streams in during the day as the wind does. At night, it is the serene sounds of crickets. There is a curfew in Dolores, Quezon so by the time it hits 10pm, no one is out. Everyone is asleep. The silence is peaceful.


The treehouse. I didn't get to stay here but I did go up. You can request to sleep here at nights, as many foreigners do, so says Jay, the owner.

The river where you can have lunch. The water is so cold and fresh, perfect to swim in after a long trek around the surrounding fields and forest.

Fresh water straight from the heart of the mountains. You can drink straight up from the pipes, as I have and it tastes like water. It doesn't taste any different so you have no fear. I have a very fragile stomach and I didn't have any problems with my digestion after so it has to be really, really clean. And it is already cold, no need for ice!

We went trekking through these parts. Wear shoes when trekking because you might be bitten by the assortment of large insects here and some of the plants have sharp thorns. I carried my cigarette butts in the pockets of my pants. I threw them when we got back to the camp in a plastic bag. Please try your best to conserve nature and keep it the way it is. All this beauty shouldn't be marred by trash.

A lovely sight. The mountain asleep. I forget which mountain this is. Jay told me but I forgot. These are things we don't see often, and so it elevates my soul somehow. I better go to the next picture. I'm getting corny...

A lake that Jay showed us. His plans for it are amazing. I can't wait. This lake is much, much larger than it appears. We went up a hill and as we looked out, we were amazed by the size of the lake.

And the last look is not of the place but the fantastic food. Gourmet food prepared by Jay himself. This was our dinner. This is risotto with mushrooms, a fantastic chicken with garlic and chili and an amazing salad. I don't usually like spicy food but this was just amazing. I kept eating and eating. No worries, you can trek up and down the mountain next day if you are the type to worry about your weight...

posted by wanggo @ 2:52 PM 3 comments

But walls can talk

David Bowie from Better Future (written by David Bowie)
I demand a better future
Or I might just stop needing you

I finally moved out. Finally it's over. Work was on top of me and I had no time to sleep. It was morning by the time I had finished the scripts for the television show and the editing of my segment. I ran straight to the house to start packing. Listening to Natalie Imbruglia's fabulous album Counting Down the Days, it became my soundtrack. I thought I was in a video as I started putting all that I owned in boxes, large bags, plastic bags, anything that put as much things in one container for easy transport. Clothes folded to its smallest possible shape and stuffed into a laundry bag. My CDs did not fit one box. I had to put the extra ones in other containers.

It was weird slowly seeing my pad becoming emptier and emptier. It was a whole year and a month that I had stayed there. So much has happened in that span of time. If those walls could talk -- My God! I wish it never did. Not that I haven't told someone about it before. It's just that, those times are past. It's over. I've dealt with it. I should have dealt with it already. And I'm quite frightened how the walls would choose to tell my stories.

The movers came and picked up every box and said they were heavy. Of course they were heavy. They cannot possibly comprehend how each other those things made such an impact on my life. They decorated the place I came home to. Sure, I didn't come home often but they were all aspects of the idea that made up my home. And I was amazed how they could all be put into 4 boxes, 5 large plastic bags, 3 bags and 2 rolled up mats, an electric fan, a small refrigerator, a small book shelf, a writing desk and an old, antique chest. It sounds a lot in the form of a list but it seems so little for me. Each of those things have meaning, every little thing that were in them.

During the rush of packing, I made a conscious decision to throw away things. I threw away 3 pairs of jeans and a pair of slacks. I threw away all the old papers scattered on the floor. I kept the last 3 set of bills, the most recent ones and threw away the rest. I threw away shirts I never wore and the cologne that had already turned to vinegar from age. I threw away plastic bags I kept, hoping they would be useful someday. I threw away my moldy shower curtain that I never bothered to wash or replace. I felt that instead of leaving them there for the next tenant to decide upon; I wanted to erase all traces of me as I could. In a way, I wanted to try to see if I could wipe away any essence of my being there.

But walls can talk. And I wonder what stories they will decide to tell.

Now I'm back in with my brother. I look at the master's bedroom where my parent's use to sleep when they lived in that huge condominium and wonder what clutter that they've left can I remove. I open the cabinets and find slippers and shoes that my Mom left. In one closet, once opened, revealed my eldest brother's military whites, their formal uniform and probably one of my Dad's dress shirts. The bathroom is filled with beauty products my Mom used to use and never brought with her. How much of this can I remove so that I may properly settle in?

I've lost space. Sure, the place is much bigger. My bedroom alone is probably the size of my former pad but it's not my space. I don't know how to manipulate it to my desires. It is dark in this side of the condominium. I like it when the sunlight seeps in. The bed is a little too big. Too much cabinets for one person. Not much room for me to pace, to dance, to exercise...

At least I have hot water and a bathtub. At least I have a beautiful view of the city when I awake. At least I have someone to clean up after me. But there is a price for all of this.

And I will weave new stories for these walls to tell in the future. If the walls of my pad meets the walls of this new home, they will not realise that they were talking about me.

I will be changed by all of this.

posted by wanggo @ 7:38 PM 1 comments

Pacing

Stella Adler
Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.

Today, after a marathon of writing, I found myself heading towards Power Up in Pasig to go wall-climbing again. It was a wonderful feeling. I was so glad to do it. I took a long walk towards there with my friend Berna and when we got there, there were very little people. Paul was there and he was like Wanggo, you are so thin! And yeah, I have lost a lot of weight since they last saw me. After all, I was bulking up a bit because of it. I had great shoulders, a lovely back and nice arms. It's all gone now.

So we tried out the new harness and the new shoes and began climbing. We decided to do it slowly. Pacing, Berna said. We didn't want to rush it. Sure, we went hiking and trekking all the foot of Banahaw but that didn't mean anything. We always find reserve energy and strength during work (yeah, confession, when I went to Kinabuhayan Cafe, it was for work...) and we are severely out of shape. We took it slowly. On my first climb, I think I went up and just went down. It was on the succeeding climbs that I did it twice, instead of my usual 3. I had no idea how my body was going to take it.

So we did our wall-climbing thing and then walked all the way back to my place so we can shower. As Berna showered, I started doing my push-ups and crunches (which I haven't done in a while) and I was just so tired; breathing heavily and perspiration all over my body. But it was a great feeling. I was so happy. Endorphins rushing through my bloodstream again.

I hope I can maintain this. I'd love to be able to get physical again and to reclaim my old body and maybe even surpass it. There's always hope, right?

Right now, I'm back at the office working. I know it's a holiday but the deadlines don't change. We all have to adjust but I have energy and pep because of the work-out. I don't mind. There's just so much to do and so much to fit in. I have to move out tomorrow while I have meetings and pre-interviews to do. This is the only time I can really do the scripts I need for the show on Wednesday and the editing that needs to be done for the Kinabuhayan Cafe shoot which we are airing on Friday.

I don't really mind working this hard as long as I can go wall-climbing thrice a week, see my friends and catch all the movies I want to. I don't mind hard work as long as it is balanced with the things I want to do; the things I work so hard for. It's all about pacing. Finding the right time for everything, I suppose...

It can be done.

posted by wanggo @ 9:26 PM 1 comments

Reminders

Bertold Brecht
Because things are the way they are, things will not remain the way they are.

I found myself with an extremely busy Sunday. I had so many invites to these events and had to choose amongst them which ones were important to me. I had to decide what I could miss and what I could not miss. So I decided to travel all the way to Fairview (called FARview by many) to visit a good friend on her babyshower. It was a very strange event for me. I really felt my age that day. Imagine, me, the former party-boy, with two friends pregnant, ready to give birth to their beautiful baby girls (I'm sure they will be beautiful). All of a sudden, the party is over and real life kicks in. Well, as I've been saying in my previous entries, real life has been kicking me in the gut for a while now, but this really helped me feel my age. Soon enough, we won't be meeting at bars or clubs like we used to. No more meeting up at the late hours to watch DVDs until the sun comes up. It will be Saturday afternoon lunches while their kids play in the garden. We'd be eating appetizers and drinking iced tea while smoking teasing how bad influences we'll be. It's so grown up. All the single people will probably head on out to have dinner out and watch a movie and probably go out to do other things. I'll probably go home and read a book or go to sleep before 1am. I'd text everyone telling them how splendid the day was spending time with them and I might receive a text telling me that one of my nieces or nephews really likes the book or shirt or whatever I got them. Aww... how sweet. It's just so grown up. And it is just proper for this age, I suppose.

After the shower, I went all the way to the other side of the metro, towards Pasay to attend the exhibit of an artist/photographer friend of mine. Ava Lugtu released her latest set of photographs that are absolutely marvelous. I was surrounded by an art crowd, totally different from the usual crowd of people that I hang out and it was great to be in such different environs for a change. My friend and I looked at the work and was astounded. Ava had spent so much time to ensure that her prints would come out the way she saw it in reality. There was no digital imaging whatsoever and the blurred shapes that we saw was exactly how it appeared in reality when she shot it. I was so amazed at the concept. If I were to learn photography, I could probably find some interesting visuals to shoot and then shoot it. I could find a beautiful story from some still image. All of a sudden, I'm amazed at the word Still Life, it has so many different meanings. There's a story there... Anyway, I'm digressing. But I am not a photographer by soul. I'm not like Ava who can imagine what images could look like when you manipulate light to a certain degree. And she has the artist's patience to work on one image for a whole day, as in 18 hours or so, just to get that right shot. I was just floored with the amazing work she had exhibited.

And to go to an exhibit again, what joy to be reminded that I do have artistic tendencies; that my world is not all work and movies and parties... That I am a creative person and I do enjoy the creative output of others. Sometimes we just need that sort of reminder because it is so easy to lose out on ourselves.

And then lastly, I went to a hotel to visit an old friend who was celebrating her birthday. And there, I met up with a lot of old friends that I was genuinely very happy to see. We started talking, not going back to the "old times" which would have made me really pissed. Instead, we talked about new things. Things that happened to the two of us since last we had seen each other, caught up on new things. We talked about how we've changed and what we now plan to do with our lives. It was great. It was really seeing old friends again and not just some pathetic excuse to relive "better days" which could not have really been that great. I stayed much longer than I had expected to, completely destroying my already fixed body clock, but that's okay. It was worth it. It is always good to re-connect with old friends. In that way, you are sure you are not denying some old part of you. It is one way to remain whole. It is a way to remind yourself of who you were and who you are now and where you could go.

This whole day, Sunday, after waking up at 5pm (since I slept at 6am that morning) I commuted to my brother's house to work on a full-length script that needs much working and that will get me somewhere if it ever gets produced and I have just been here, writing and writing and I felt so relieved to know that I can come back to this old work and still have the patience and the creative energy to work on it after all the original passions have long gone. I'm not that jaded yet, apparently. The problem with young artist, sometimes, is that they quickly get discouraged with previously rejected work that they just want to move on to the next project and not go back to the old one. But here I am, almost 8 hours into the revisions of this full-length. I won't be able to finish it on this one sitting, though. Half-way through, my Dad comes in and we have our usual long talks and I find that there were more revisions he wanted; more scenes he wanted included and so I might have to restructure the whole thing. Ugh! But I will find the time in-between this busy schedule. I have to. This is the work of a freelance writer, after all. If I want to be great, I must do what greater men have done before me. And I know this is but merely the tip of the iceberg of the things great men have accomplished.

It's just great, talking to my Dad and throwing ideas at each other and getting somewhere. Knowing that I do have something to contribute. It is a reminder that I am getting closer and closer to that which I want to achieve.

I keep moving along. I will get there. I will not yield.

posted by wanggo @ 4:04 AM 0 comments

In the middle of Wonder

Socrates
Wisdom begins in wonder.

I suppose there are some places that truly, truly inspires wonder. I've just been to that sort of place. Kinabuhayan Cafe in Dolores, Quezon is such a wonderful place. It is a bed and breakfast owned by a good friend of the family, Jay Herrera whose over 20 years of experience as a production designer for television, film and other places, added with his natural good taste and sophistication has created a beautiful little heaven away from the city.

Situated in the middle of Dolores, Quezon, you enter a lovely little cafe and in the back, you'll see three lovely wooden huts with no walls. Airy, breezy and completely liberating, lying in a hammock or on one of the rather comfortable wooden chairs, you can watch television (why would you want to?), read or just chill-out talking to friends. The place is just so comfortable that you could just sit there and just get lost. The afternoons can be pierced by the sound of a two-stroke motorcycle picking up kids at the school nearby, but later on, the place is serenely quiet.

The food is divine, simply divine. Cooked by Jay himself, you find that all conversation stops because the food is just so delicious. Generous heaps of food on your plate can keep you eating and eating and to finish off with very good coffee. And this is from someone who is completely and utterly not a coffee person.

At the same time, Kinabuhayan Cafe can arrange treks and tours around interesting sights around the area. There is a nice, lovely forest area which you can do a little bit of hiking and then swimming on fresh water rivers and tiny rivulets. The water comes out straight from the mountain so you can even drink straight from the pipes that Jay had put coming out of the mountain side. You can have lunch there; fantastic grilled food of an amazing amount and just the lovely mountain air and you can go nature tripping to death.

There are other places of interests -- at the foot of Mount Banahaw are caves, rivers and lovely little waterfalls with spiritual relevance to the people of the area. We did a lot of walking and despite my being out of shape and a smoker, I realised I am still in pretty good shape. I did a lot of walking and jumping from stone to stone and avoiding slipping on muddy surfaces with little difficulty. I was quite the trekker! It was so lovely.

Amidst all that green, the sounds of nature, not a single car horn heard... it was just pure bliss. I know for a fact that I wouldn't have enjoyed had a stayed longer, being the city boy that I am. But for that one afternoon, surrounded in the forest, tall grass and dirt and mud; I felt a certain sense of calm. The clouds were full and shapely. The water was so cold and refreshing. It has been a long time since I had gone swimming in a river or a lake. It's so wonderful to be able to cut through cold fresh water with your body. There is such a big difference between salt water, water with chlorine and fresh water. And I do so love fresh water.

There, I was struck dumb with wonder at the beauty of nature. Oh God! How cliche, I know... but I'm a city boy and I love the urban jungle. I love the concrete towers and the smog and the bright neon lights and billboards. So when I see the beautiful face of mother nature... I am awed like a little child. I wanted to run around, cavort, jump into the river and do silly little things. For a moment, I wish I were with my full circle of friends or family. It would have made the whole experience perfect.

But I had a great time, anyway. Unfortunately, my good friend Berna didn't take out her camera to take pictures so I have none to post here. Sad. Maybe I can ask some of the other people I was with and maybe I can ask for some shots from them...

But I was in the middle of wonder and it was strangely exciting. First time out of the city for this year and I found myself there. I will find myself back there before the year ends...

posted by wanggo @ 5:14 PM 3 comments

of looking back and going out of town...

As texted to me by my Dad
Imagination is what makes you think you're having a wonderful time when you are only spending money...

I saw my ex today. I had these wild, violent thoughts but did not exact them. As much as it would have given me pleasure to have tried my best to make my ex squirm and create a scene and create some level of humiliation for us both (knowing I could take it and the other wouldn't be able to) but decided against it. As much as we would like to do something similar, we probably would end up just looking stupid; as my good friend Berna said. It's a good thing I walked past and I did not look back. I wanted to look back so much, just to see if my ex was also but I didn't. The image of strength was what I needed even if I had none in reality. I got a call from my good friend Anne about 10 minutes later and I was able to get it out of my system. So that' s a good thing. I was able to deal with it and move on. Other than this entry and turning it into some little anecdote amongst close friends and family, it really doesn't bother me. This is, in a way, my look back.

Tomorrow will be my first out of town trip for the whole year. Since the rains have come, a beach would be totally out of the question. The last thing one needs is to be in a beach during rainy season; especially me. A beach is best enjoyed burning under the hot sun, wearing as little clothing as necessary, cold beer in hand and shades on your eyes. This is not the season for that sort of fun. My out of town trip, this time, will be in a forest like situation in the beautiful province of Quezon, in a little town called Dolores. Amidst the lush forests, we will be at the foot of the magickal mountain of Banahaw where we can do several hikes up the mountain towards rivers, waterfalls and go swimming in bodies of fresh water (hopefully a lake or a river) which I prefer to the salt water of beaches.

It's funny for me because I had been to Quezon twice before, maybe more as a child but I can only remember one instance; the other instance I was much older. The first time was when I was 4 years old and my father had made me a character in one of his movies, Unfaithful Wife. We went to Lucban, Quezon for a few days (maybe it was a week?) and we went shooting there for the movie. I remember having a picnic in the hills that were near Lucban, going on a bike ride with Joel Torre who played my father and going on a bangka (raft) ride with Tito Joel and Tito Michael De Mesa (who played Tito Joel's best friend in the movie) so that we can go fishing. We were there for hours but if you watch the film, it was only a short part of the movie. It was merely part of a montage of happy moments for the three of us but those three sequences were the most memorable for me. Well, the picnic in the hill was a much longer scene. In fact, it was two separate sequences that I didn't realise I was shooting. I was just having fun, following what I was told to do and pretty much enjoying myself. I was a city kid and I was so impressed being surrounded by all that green.

I was much older in my return to Quezon where, this time, I went to Mauban through the kindness of the wonderful Clemente family. We went there for Holy Week vacation. In fact, that was two Holy Week's in a row that we went to. Part of the itinerary was taking an hour boat ride to an island where we spent the night. That was great fun. I got so drunk on lambanog that I became someone else. That's a hilarious story but stays with my closest friends. I became someone else to the point I refused to be called by any other name other than what I was given. It was also my first (and so far, my only) time to go skinny dipping. Much fun. I also got to walk around in a procession for Holy Week, all over the town of Mauban and ate tons and tons of fantastic seafood. It was a great way of spending Holy Week.

And now I'll be back, this time, in a different part of Quezon undergoing a different sort of trip. I can't wait...

posted by wanggo @ 1:05 AM 0 comments

a social concern

Meredith Brooks from Shout (written by Meredith Brooks)
So much wasted on unimportant things
Throw away the precious time
When there's so much that really needs changin'

Lately, I've been thinking about the constant rise of prices and how things just seem to get more and more expensive. It's kind of weird (and a little too late) to start having socio-economic concerns in my life. I think I've pretty much set myself up to a life of art and wanton abandon on the state of affairs of the economy -- seeing how the concept totally escapes me. After all, I did take economics twice in college. I couldn't understand all the formulae and all those graphs and stuff just went over my head.

But lately, reading the newspapers (yes! surprisingly, I've begun reading the newspaper in my old age) and conversations with taxi and jeep drivers and over-hearing conversations at the MRT has made me more and more aware of the state of my nation. And then I also take a look at all brand new cars on the road. People sporting their brand new Mistubishi Lancers and the mass of utterly cute Honda Jazz that seem to populate my view on Tuesday afternoons. How come I see so many Jazz's on Tuesday afternoons and not on any other day? Hmmm...

It seems the old adage, the rich get richer and the poor just get poorer and everyone under some invisible economic line just keeps going lower and lower under it, almost drowning in it. We are reaching a point in our lives where we can no longer maintain the status quo. More and more of the middle class seem to be falling behind and those in the poverty line are catching up with them. It's taking more and more out of us to pay for the daily needs.

And if you know me, these are not the things that I think of. These are not the things I talk about. Yet it is very evident in my thoughts and in the things I observe. Another example of my self-absorbed/self-centered way of thinking: it only starts to matter when I'm directly affected by it. I'm such an asshole!

Whatever the case maybe, I get pissed off reading the newspaper to see how the government approved the new E-Vat bill that will increase the prices of everything. This is so, in order to collect more money to pay our budget deficit or whatnot. I don't understand all the concepts. I barely passed economics on my second time round after all. But what I read in the papers is that our tax collection, actually, is sufficient, albeit a little off because of the 10% we could be getting from taxes, only 4% is actually collected because of poor tax collection procedures and systems. The new E-Vat is suppose to handle the missing 6%. Does that make sense to anyone? Why can't they just improve their tax collection systems?

And number 2, what's the point of all of it anyway since the money never goes where it is suppose to and instead goes to the pockets of the bureaucrats. All the money we give to them and still the roads are shitty, policemen and public school teachers are underpaid, there are not enough classrooms and books for the kids going to public school and bull shit like that. Is it really so hard to find an honest politician these days? One who is willing to find and make public the proof necessary to put the crooks in jail and stay alive after? Why do we need a martyr, one who is willing to die? Can't we protect our own heroes?

It is sickening, really.

And why do the people at the entertainment industry have to pay more taxes than the regular person? It isn't our fault that people prefer to buy what we are offering. Just because we make more money than most people as we work in this industry doesn't mean that the responsibility of saving this country's economic problem fall to us. It is the problem of everyone living here. Why do we have a special tax that charges us more than businessmen who make even more? And how come it seems that people in the entertainment industry get audited more often than people in business or in government for that matter? It doesn't seem fair or just or right.

But who knows? Maybe I'm really just completely out of the loop and completely stupid to all the concepts of economy. Maybe I should go back to school and take the class all over again; not that it will do me much good. It just pisses me off that we have the capacity to get through this shit that we are in and continue to fall flat on our face and things just get worse.

I am stuck in traffic sometimes and as bad as the traffic jam is, there is still 4 police bikes, 2 escorts and a luxurious car that gets special attention; gets right of way and moves on ahead while we all slug around and wait; stuck in the same position we were in half an hour ago. I don't think that's fair. Look at our country, folks! It's not as if you are doing much good in making this country better that you earned the right to get through the worst of traffic jams. For all we know, the person in the car was just your wife on her way to shop in the most expensive stores of Greenbelt 3. Our own President's husband and son are not even in the country because there are charges of illegal gambling against them.

All of a sudden, traveling around the world doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

posted by wanggo @ 2:30 PM 0 comments

returning to the fold

Mae West
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL!

I'm back, I guess. Everything is going back to its normal routine from before. Right now, TXTube is the only thing on my mind. I am hoping to contribute more regularly to Super and I just got a call from a friend to become a sort of regular PR writer for his events so at least I'll be doing some writing on the side. I'll be moving to my brother's place by the end of this week and will end up paying less for my rent and utilities. Which is good since I've lost my other 3 jobs, I don't make as much and can't really afford to pay so much for my own place.

The time is good; it will allow me to survey what I can make in a month's time and what I can afford. So when the time comes that my brother and I part ways, I know exactly what I'm suppose to do. The time will be good for me, keep me grounded.

And I like spending most of my time here. The people here are great. The atmosphere is great and all the plans for the show look good. It's an exciting time to be here. It's good to be able to be free and to see my friends again and everything... All of a sudden, my sleep is better and I've been getting a lot more of it and so I've been perkier and more my natural chipper self.

Glad to be back. I am so glad to be back...

posted by wanggo @ 10:02 PM 1 comments

just a cloud (to someone in particular)

Natalie Imbruglia from Shiver (written by Imbruglia, White & Solomon)
Cause when you tell me stupid things like you do
Yes I have to change the rules
I can't lose

What's the point of telling me you love me? Because I don't love you. You know that. You were told. You were pre-informed. What's the point of me telling you that all I want is fun? All I want is fun. This means nothing more than what it is. It's just skin and touching. It's tasting and looking. It's only the grimace, the hard breathing and the moan.

In the darkness, I can see you piercing me with your gaze. You try to make out the shape of my face by tearing away the darkness and I try my best to fold myself in it. No, I won't let you turn this into some tender moment. I will not be the guilty one. I didn't lie and didn't lead you on. You cannot love me since you do not know me. But I want to know you, you say but I respond I don't have the time for this.

You grab me in a hungry embrace and try to smother me with your kisses. This will not melt me. This will not move me. This will not break me down. You try to act tough and take control. That path to my heart does not begin from my body. It begins in my mind. You cannot stir my mind with a ladle or a wooden spoon. You got to grab the whole pot with both hands and shake the very foundations to stir me. You cannot do this.

I did not lie. I don't want to lie so don't ask me questions; especially if you aren't ready to hear the answers. Don't ask questions if the answer you don't want to hear has a possibility of being uttered. You are not infallible and I am not easy to cage. No, I am not easy to tie up and bind. You cannot win me by your sentiments, your affection or your tenderness. That's not the path to my heart. No, you are not ready for this. You are not ready for me.

I will let you go. Slowly sink further into the darkness where you will not find me. It's not evil. It's for your own good. Because now that I know how you feel, I know that to continue to see you will only frustrate you, hurt you and that's not my intention. When the fun ends, then there is no more point. That was the basis of our connection. And do not fool yourself. I never pretended it was anything else. You made out the cloud to be a rabbit when it was just a cloud.

I hate it when this happens. I'm always the bad guy because I'm the one with nothing to lose. That isn't fair, either, since I do my best to put myself into situations where I do not have anything to lose. I express my intentions honestly and expect people to take whatever I offer with full knowledge of exactly what it is I'm offering. They benefit from this as well.

It's just so sad and useless and immature. I must choose them more carefully next time.

posted by wanggo @ 1:15 PM 2 comments

back in the saddle

E.I. Doctorow
You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

Been busy and away from a computer as of late. Thursday found me extremely busy shooting a segment for TXTube. Our host forgot to take his ADHD medicine and was extremely hyper and perky. He's a great guy and all but he kind of took away my energy; aside from the heat of that day which was absolutely enervating. I got back to the office and was just killing time waiting for the traffic and the rush hour crowd to get home before I was going to make my way and was too drained to actually write a blog entry.

Friday found me away from the computer all day as we had a planning session for the show and that a bonding session right after. I have to say, while waiting for a free table at Super Bowl, we listened to the music that was playing. The front parking lot of Megamall was transformed into this concert for the final day of the San Miguel Summer Babad festival. I was thinking how cool it must've been to be part of the crowd, drinking beer and listening to good rock and reggae music. I miss my rocker days listening to rock, head-banging and just feeling all that energy. You have to admit, rock energy is so much different from the energy of a rave. It would be nice to go and participate again in a rock concert.

Saturday found me in another volleyball game, losing because the people in my team didn't seem to have their heart in the game. Funny, considering this was a team we had already previously beaten. We could've taken them on but they fought well and our team just weren't giving their all. They were like zombies on the court. I was trying my best to bring some energy but to no avail. We lost to a very disappointing 25-19, 25-19. We didn't even make it to the 3rd set.

Afterwards, I rushed off to Divisoria with friends and went bargain shopping. A little consumer therapy to help clear out the morning. I got myself 3 shirts and got to hang around with good friends Berna, Anne and Maik. Afterwards we ate in an old restaurant in Malate and then off to Greenbelt to watch Sin City which was a visual treat but disappointing. Why I expected it to have some level of depth, I'm not sure, Robert Rodriguez is not a very deep person. As a director, he's got great visuals but it's all form without substance, I feel. I went home and slept before 1 in the morning.

Wonderful that I've been sleeping well these days. I've been able to pump up my sleep time to 6 hours a day which is good. I am slowly starting to recover which is good. Soon, I'll be back to my old self and with the time that I've been able to free up, hopefully, I'll be able to get back to my wall-climbing and reclaim the mass that I lost.

Sunday, though, was frustrating. As promised, I went to my brother's house to try and clean out his computer that is filled with spyware and viruses (virii?). It took me 2 hours to download the programs and then 20 minutes to install them and then lo and behold! With the new programs I was able to delete 71 Trojan virii in the machine. I erased 92 spyware programs that found their way in. It was insane. It took me 3 hours to just erase and clean out all that crap. And then, I tried to test the spyware guard and opened the internet again to discover that 2 virii tried to get in and 8 spyware got through the spyware shield. I was so pissed.

Why do people do this? I can understand that if information is currency, you have to go out of your way to get it. But the cost? My God! It is the equivalent of stealing and aside from that, it's so malicious and harmful. It's also very time consuming for ordinary people with ordinary files. The whole idea of stealing files through the internet is just absolutely horrendous to me. Some of these are private, intimate things that have no business being in other people's possessions.

Damn these computer assholes! I wish a curse upon all those people who make computer viruses and all this spyware bullshit that plague the internet. I wish them a horrible, painful death for the proliferation of all this stupidity and malicious intent on the internet. I honestly do not see how any of what they do helps us.

I wish them the worse possible of fates. For all their intelligence, they are practically useless in the grander scheme of things...

posted by wanggo @ 12:24 PM 4 comments

not a zombie

Ralph Hodgson
Some things have to be believed to be seen.

Tough shoot today. Tough, tough shoot today. We were at Intramuros, trying to get interviews from the students of Mapua Technological Institute, Lycaeum of the Philippines and Letran to discover what is the best place to have lunch. We were able to get 60 students on cam. We probably asked over thrice that number. It's exhausting.

I remember Andy Warhol said that in the future, everybody will be on television or will have that chance; even for at least 15 minutes. I think it was Andy Warhol who said so. Well, a lot of people decided not to take that opportunity this time round.

I've pretty much been on my feet the whole day. At least, this time, I have had a good amount of sleep. I'm pretty much well rested. I wasn't walking through the shoot as a zombie with a cigarette in hand and mouthing off dialogue spiels and camera directions. This time I was doing my job awake.

The human mind is amazing that way, in its ability to function even at the most strenouous of circumstances. It still amazes me how I am still able to do my job at minimal efficiency. Either that, or the work has become so routine that I can do it at minimal efficiency.

Right now, I'm just killing time waiting for my good friend Berna to finish her work so that I can go home and get some rest. Sleep and recharge so that I can once again do what needs to be done. A lot needs to be done.

posted by wanggo @ 7:22 PM 0 comments